Brett Goldstein stands on a stage, shirtless. He holds up a book and has his hand on a statuette on a table.

Brett Goldstein’s Cameo on ‘Harley Quinn’ Was Just the Valentine’s Day Treat This Jewish Girl Needed

The Valentine’s Day special for Harley Quinn, “A Very Problematic Valentine’s Day Special,” is now streaming, and they saved the very best part for last! I mean, the whole episode is cute and fun, with lots of kissing and sweet gestures and an orgasm so colossal that it turns everyone in Gotham into frantic, rutting horndogs. But the last few scenes were, to me, the pinnacle of DC storytelling. Why?

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Brett Motherfucking Goldstein.

To recap: Bane, driven wild with lust after an ill-advised penis-enlarging potion mixes with Harley’s love spell, sees an ad for a live performance in which Brett Goldstein will read poetry by Lord Byron with his shirt off while rubbing his Golden Globe statue. Bane hurries to the venue to do god knows what, and it’s up to Harley, Ivy, and Clayface to stop him. Clayface finally succeeds by growing into a gigantic Goldstein doppelgänger and riffing on a beloved Marvel line: “What is horny, if not love persevering?”

Is the cameo totally pointless? Yes. Is it unbelievably silly? Yes. Is it exactly the kind of weird, horny fun we need in these troubled times? Absolutely. Seeing Ted Lasso‘s Roy Kent take his shirt off and reveal a patch of thick man fur on his chest, and then read romantic poetry while engaging in over-the-top sexual innuendo, is a balm for my weary soul.

But Goldstein’s cameo was extra special for me after all the upsetting news about antisemitism that came out this week.

Brett Goldstein is one of countless sexy Jews

Yesterday, I reported on the news that David Mazouz almost didn’t get the part of Bruce Wayne in the series Gotham because one exec thought he looked “too Jewy” for the part. Plus, there have been several revelations about the antisemitism in Hogwarts Legacy, which uses cruel portrayals of Jews as the basis for its goblin bankers. Thanks to relentless antisemitism, Jews are continually seen as … well, all manner of things, all of them decidedly unsexy.

But now that we’re all lusting after Brett Goldstein, can we finally acknowledge that Jews are sexy as hell? I mean look at this guy. Bane knows it. I know it. You know it. We’re a diverse bunch, so most Jews don’t have Goldstein’s Ashkenazi looks (which are amazing and gorgeous), but we’re all sexy in our own way.

It’s Friday, so gut shabes to all my fellow sexy people. I’m going to sneak in one more viewing of the Brett scene before I light my candles tonight, if you know what I mean. (I mean literally light my Shabbat candles, but hey, who knows what’ll happen after that?)

(featured image: HBO Max)


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Julia Glassman
Julia Glassman (she/her) holds an MFA from the Iowa Writers' Workshop, and has been covering feminism and media since 2007. As a staff writer for The Mary Sue, Julia covers Marvel movies, folk horror, sci fi and fantasy, film and TV, comics, and all things witchy. Under the pen name Asa West, she's the author of the popular zine 'Five Principles of Green Witchcraft' (Gods & Radicals Press). You can check out more of her writing at <a href="https://juliaglassman.carrd.co/">https://juliaglassman.carrd.co/.</a>