The 3DS is just another tale of Nintendonian innovation.
Whether by making players’ dreams come true or by ruining the lives of those who would dare cross them, Nintendo has always strived to carve out a niche for itself within the video game industry. A niche that none of its “competitors” can dare hope to fill. Let Xbox and PlayStation fight over the scraps! Nintendo forges on with new technologies, ushering in the future of gaming!
Back when Sony and Microsoft could barely get a handheld game system out, Nintendo was already outfitting theirs with a TOUCH SCREEN. Was it necessary? No. Did it demoralize and embarrass the competition? Hell yes.
So to celebrate Nintendo’s penchant for innovation and pettiness, here are the finest 3DS games of all time.
1. The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds
Everyone loves a good pun, and the good people at Nintendo are no exception. The pithy-titled A Link Between Worlds served as the 3DS’ flagship Zelda title. After all, they couldn’t just rely on 3DS remakes of old N64 classics now could they? In a Majora’s Mask-style parallel-world adventure, Link journeys to the mirror world of Lorule, a.k.a. “the Dark World” of A Link To The Past—but this time with the power to turn himself 2D and walk on walls like a painting! It’s modern art!
2. The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask 3DS Remake
Majora’s Mask is my personal favorite Zelda game. A sort of sequel to Ocarina of Time, Majora’s Mask sees Link travel to the parallel world of Termina, where a forest spirit possessed by an evil mask has threatened to destroy the world by crashing the moon into it in three days! Link has to enlist the help of four guardian giants to stop the apocalypse, all the while fighting off ghosts, zombies, and aliens! YES. ALIENS. The 3DS sees Majora’s Mask beautifully rendered with updated graphics and provides a few subtle improvements upon its masterpiece of a predecessor.
3. Fire Emblem Awakening
You know the deal: tactical grid-based combat! A grand JRPG world! Oodles of cute characters! And of course … permanent death! All the things that made Fire Emblem the franchise it is today. The game follows the story of Chrom, the prince of the Halidom of Ylisse, and Robin, the player’s customizable character who suffers from soap opera-style amnesia! While battling neighboring nations, the kids also have to prepare to fight an awakening evil dragon named Grima. Being royalty is hard!
4. Animal Crossing: New Leaf
Animal Crossing might be turning over a new leaf, but on the other side of that leaf, it’s just the same old Animal Crossing you love! There’s new animal friends to make! A new town to explore! And new debts to pay to that capitalist bastard Tom Nook! Wanna escape your crushing debts for a day? Cry on the shoulder of Isabelle, the franchise’s new adorable dog mascot! She can’t make your financial woes go away, but looking into her warm, dark eyes sure makes you feel like she can.
5. Pokémon Sun and Moon
It’s Pokémon! The biggest moneymaker toy and game franchise in human existence! Back with more of the Pokémon adventures you love! Chase after sentient rocks that look like the sun and moon while taming a whole new generation of Pokemon! Not enough for you? Capture the alternate “Alolan forms” of old familiar Pokémon you know and love! It’s literally just the classic Pokémon experience repackaged for a new era! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?
6. Luigi’s Mansion: Dark Moon
Uh oh! Poor cowardly Luigi just can’t catch a break! Fill up Luigi’s overalls with that familiar scent of pee as you force the timid bastard to piss his pants confronting haunted mansions full of ghosts! Haven’t we traumatized this man enough? Hell no! Luigi will have to use his terror-addled wits in order to puzzle his way through spooky old houses and defeat the specters inside!
7. Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate
Same sh*t, different monsters. And that’s what we love about the Monster Hunter franchise! Eat your bodyweight in meat and strap a hammer to your back, because you’re going monster hunting! Explore new worlds and battle dangerous beasts in order to level up your equipment to fight even more dangerous beasts to level up your equipment to fight even MORE—you get the idea. But with the addition of a few cool new weapons like the bow, there’s even more creative ways to kill.
8. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3DS Remake
Oldhead gamers will swear that The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is quite simply the greatest game ever made. And now you can test that theory for yourself without having to scour eBay for an old Nintendo 64! Re-rendered in state of the art (for the time) 3DS graphics, join Link on his quest to rid the land of Hyrule of evil! Ocarina of Time is perhaps the thesis statement of the Legend of Zelda series. It’s the most quintessential Zelda experience there is. Collect the stones. Get the sword. Beat the bad guy. Save the princess. And f*ck around in a graveyard! Talk to spiders! Put ghosts in bottles! You know, all the things kids love to do!
9. Metroid: Samus Returns
Following up on the success of the Gamecube’s Metroid Prime, Metroid: Samus Returns stars the armor-clad space hero in her next big sci-fi adventure. The game is a reimagining of the Game Boy’s Metroid II: Return of Samus, where Samus has to traverse alien lands to hunt down an evil species of life-energy sucking jellyfish extraterrestrials. It’s all the side-scrolling shenanigans of old Metroid games with beautiful 3DS graphics!
10. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Dual Destinies
Ever wanted to be a lawyer but don’t feel like going to law school and then studying for the bar? Well, now you can be! You get to play as Phoenix Wright, a maverick defense attorney with a penchant for defying court decorum by screaming the word “OBJECTION” at the top of his lungs! The game plays like a visual novel, where you must gather up evidence, hear witness testimony, and defend your clients against the similarly over-the-top antics of the prosecution.
(featured image: Nintendo)
