Forget rolling for initiative, it’s time to TAKE the initiative and romance one of these Baldur’s Gate 3 hotties.
So you’ve designed your character and picked your class and subclass. You’ve spent your time focusing on yourself and your growth, and its paying off. You’ve independent. You’re supporting yourself with the loot you find. You have a full time job slaying goblins with plenty of options for career growth. But something is missing from your life. Late and night around the campfire, when the rest of your party is asleep, you look up into the sky and wonder what it’s all for? The Paladin in your group would say that doing good is its own reward. The Rogue says it’s all about the money. The Monk says it’s about finding inner peace. The Barbarian says that life’s greatest joy is the feeling of your fist connecting to your enemy’s face. And the Druid was too busy licking trees to give you an answer.
But you’re a Bard, and you know the answer already. The answer is love. Hot, sweaty, tear-off-my-armor-and-ravish-me-on-corpses-of-fallen-foes love. And you’re ready for it.
But who is ready for YOU? Who has done their own emotional work? Who has invested in their career, healed their traumas, and become secure enough in their attachments to make for a good romantic partner? Lucky for you, the world of Baldur’s Gate 3 is chock full of eligible bachelors. Some of whom are far less likely to murder you than others.
Shadowheart
Loves: God, a glass of fine wine, animals, manipulation
Hates: Mean people, the Gith
Shadowheart is a half-high elf Cleric. This means that she is a woman of GOD. But not a boring “do unto others” God. No, Shadowheart prays to Shar, a mischievous god of trickery and deceit. Despite her love of lies, she also values when people can see through deceit (which is a little red flaggy to me, girl I don’t wanna have to read your mind). She also loves animals, which is a major green flag. So if you want to romance her, you best be sure to boop a lot of fuzzy animal snoots while out adventuring. As a lady of faith, Shadowheart likes to take things slow, and she won’t tolerate you messing around with other party members behind her back. Green flag. She knows her worth.
Astarion
Loves: Sucking blood, flirting, monsters, wanton murder
Hates: Nice people
Astarion seems like a total f*ckboy due to the fact that he flirts with you right out the (Baldur’s) gate, but he’s actually more complicated than that. Don’t get me wrong, he’s pretty easy to hook up with, but romancing this dark hearted vampire is a whole separate beast entirely. Small caveat here: Astarion is a bit of a sociopath, who delights in displays of violence and hedonism and abhors restraint. In the real world, that’s the reddest of red flags, but if you’re roleplaying a sexy murder-hobo like the creators of DnD intended, then this shouldn’t be a problem for you. Astarion does have a soft spot in his heart for monsters however, so you’ll need to be kind to them in order to win it. And once you do win his heart, oh boy, he’s going to open up to you about his tragic and quite literally tortured backstory. The man has issues. But you can fix him, right?
Wyll
Loves: Swashbuckling, kindess, hunting monsters
Hates: Mean people, devils, goblins
Warlock and monster slayer extraordinaire has a flair for the dramatic. He’s known as the Blade of the Frontiers, but if you want him to put his blade into your frontier you’re gonna have to prove your worth. If you’re strong, brave, and kind to others you two will get along just fine. Despite his good guy vibes, he comes with one major red flag: he’s already in a relationship. And she’s a real devil. Literally. Wyll made a Warlock pact with the cambion Mizora in exchange for power, and as a result she still calls him from time to time. She also has the unfortunate habit of appearing to Wyll during… intimate moments… the plus side is this may lead to the infernal threesome that you didn’t know you needed in your life.
Gale
Loves: Smart people, books, magic
Hates: Ignorance and cruelty
When you think of a wizard, it’s easy to picture a geriatric man with a frail little body and a long white beard. Allow Gale to serve as the fair wind that blows away that image from your mind. This wizard is HOT. And like his collection of magic literature, he’s an open book. Early in the relationship you get the opportunity to do a magical “mind-meld” with him, which is totally sexy or a little bit overwhelming if you think about it. Oversharing early on in a relationship is definitely a red flag under most circumstances, but the magic bit makes it tolerable. Gale also has a habit of quoting romantic literature at you while seducing you, which sounds like another red flag, but his natural charisma makes it charming. Green flags all around. Who doesn’t love a smart guy?
Lae’zel
Loves: The Gith
Hates: Everything else
If you’re into dramatic, whirlwind, whiplash romance, this githyanki girl is for you. She’s not exactly warm and fuzzy with you (or anyone for that matter) in the beginning of the game, and prefers to let her sword do all the talking. Then out of the blue she makes a pass at you with the so-direct-it’s-kinda-hot line “”I smell your sweat. I mean to taste it”. If Lae’zel licking sweat of your bod is your idea of a good time, then go for it. She’s also a total dom in the sheets, and will throw you around no matter how big you are. Don’t get too attached though, she’s mostly in it for a fling. It goes without saying that this woman is a red flag the size of those American flags on the side of the highway. But if you’re into her, you might be a bit of a red flag yourself. And least you two red flags can flap together in the same breeze.
Karlach
Loves: Going out to dinner
Hates: Exploding
Despite being your party’s resident Barbarian, the tiefling Karlach will take you on the sweetest and most civilized first date of anyone in the game. Rather than trying to lick your sweat off or whatever, she takes you out to a nice restaurant and gets to know you by asking adorable questions. THE GREENEST OF GREEN FLAGS. And you might even get a chaste first kiss out of it! If you want to take things slow with a person who RESPECTS you, then Karlach is for you. There’s one teensy problem though, Karlach is running out of space in her heart. Because she has a literal bomb inside her chest that she’s trying to defuse. But if you play your cards right, you can make Karlach’s heart explode anyway. Emotionally, I mean.
Haslin
Loves: Long walks in the woods. Bestiality
Hates: Wearing clothes
Haslin is a himbo with a heart of gold. A heartthrob with throbbing muscles. He’s is one of the strongest characters in the game, both stat and story-wise. He’s also a total animal in the sheets. Literally. As a Druid, Haslin is able to shift his shape into a creature of the wild. In this case, a bear. Now I know what you’re thinking… surely you couldn’t possibly… a bear? No, the game designers would never allow you to make sweet love to a – OH BUT THEY DO. YES. IF EVER YOU WANTED TO EXPERIENCE THE RAW SEXUAL POWER OF A 900 POUND GRIZZLY IN A GRASSY CLEARING UNDER THE STARS YOU CAN. The scene is just as sweet, ridiculous, hilarious, and strangely erotic as it sounds.
Minthara
Loves: Violence, power, kinky stuff
Hates: Common decency
Oh Minthara… this woman does things to all of us… she’s just so bad. Minthara is the only character outside of your party that you can romance. The reddest of all red flags, she actually serves as an in game boss should your character choose to walk the path of righteousness. But if you intend to play the game as a baddie, then she’s the baddie that you need. Unlike Astarion, who’s only bad because of his “people were mean to me” backstory, Minthara is bad to the bone. In the world of Baldur’s Gate 3, The Drow are one of the most ruthless, conniving, and morally bankrupt species in existence. Their entire CULTURE is based on doing violence in order to appease dark gods. As such, you’re gonna have to do some pretty dastardly things to get Minthara interested in you. But when you do… you will be rewarded with one of the hottest sex scenes in the game. Was it worth it? Yes. I’d resurrect everyone I killed just to stick a knife in them a second time for Minthara to look my way.
