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Bad Gamer Part 13: What Happens If You Play Through Dragon Age: Inquisition Like a Total Jerk?

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Catch up on the previous Bad Gamer installments if you missed them!

A scout arrives with a letter from Josie asking if I’ve managed to make it to Vicinius yet. Leliana is fretting, apparently. Do they not pay attention to anything going on? Just captured another keep and told the Red Templars to fuck off here, so quit whining.

We muster the horses and begin the trek to Val Royeaux once more.

Val Royeaux

Returning here after all that’s happened since my last visit is strange. I feel different—changed. It’s a feeling I’m not too keen on, though, and I shrug it off in favor of seeming totally bored. Would it be so wrong of me to go shopping instead of meeting this Vicinius fellow? I suppose it would, so I lead us to his home. I wish we’d gone shopping. The house is in disarray and there’s no sign of Vicinius anywhere. Why can’t Leliana do her job and actually send her spies to find out what’s really going on? Up to date intelligence would be useful from my Spymaster. Urgh. We start searching around. If this is a trap, I’m going to be livid. I find various documents around the house regarding the slave trade. You know what, I’m less and less inclined to speak to this man with every step that I take.

We find Vicinius’ remains in the room upstairs. Collecting crystal pieces off the floor reveals the very end of Vicinius—we hear Calpernia’s voice as a kind of echo of the dead. She was not pleased with Vicinius and had him murdered—that much was obvious, but what was it he had done to render their alliance over with? This was Leliana’s idea, so I decide to take all of this information back to her. Show her agents and spies how it’s really done.

Skyhold

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I walk into the war room and Cassandra is immediately on the defense. What is she up to? Cassandra believes all the Seekers must be imprisoned somewhere as we’ve been unable to find any among our enemies. This is what she’s spending her time doing? I ask her what the point is. She’s probably dead. Cass doesn’t expect me to understand. Well, what a bitch. She asks me to spare any and all resources I have toward finding them. Don’t hold your breath, Cassandra.

On the way out, Josie stops me. She reveals she’s in debt. People are worried about their next meal, not whether they can build a fleet. It’s not the Inquisition’s job to sort out her personal problems—if she deserves the money, she ought to work for it. Josie begs me to go to Val Royeaux to meet Comte Boisvert, a man who knows why and who killed Josie’s messengers. I might if I’m in the area, but it is ridiculous that this is one of her priorities right now. Big ass Corypheus is threatening the world, and you’re worried about your debt? Urgh.

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Bianca, one of Varric’s friends, has managed to find out where Corypheus is getting his red lyrium from. Finally, someone around here isn’t just thinking of themselves. Despite this news, we really do have other priorities—or, at least, I do. I need to get to the bottom of Calpernia’s involvement. Someone else can look into the red lyrium, surely? Varric won’t take no for an answer, though. He says he’ll meet me outside Valamner. We’ll see about that, Varric.

Solas stops me briefly to talk about Elves and insults the Dalish, my clan. My devastated clan—not even 30 seconds into the conversation. How long have you been thinking that statement up, Solas? I tell him to fuck off and storm up the stairs.

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I go up the stairs to find Leliana, but Dorian’s foul face stops me in my tracks. He scowls at the shelves, throwing a book back on it. I’ve had enough of his temper tantrums and ask him what the hell he’s doing here anyway. He tells me he wants to see Corypheus dead. He’s a Magister, after all, and Dorian doesn’t want the world dealing with his people’s problems without his help. He’s good with a spell or two, otherwise I’d be kicking him out on his arse right here and now. What a selfish reason to be here.

Finally, finally, I reach Leliana. I’m shaking with anger, though, and I notice one of Leliana’s eyebrows lift ever so slightly in silent question. I ignore it. Leliana has discovered something about Calpernia. She was once a slave. If Corypheus freed her, little wonder that she’s so loyal to him. I wonder if we can try and use that against her. Calpernia has freed every slave she has bought so far, so the wounds of her imprisonment are obviously still fresh and raw. She suggests I speak to Dagna, our new arcanist, about the crystal pieces we found around Vicinius’ remains.

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I go to the tavern for a drink. Sera wants to prank a few people to bring them out of their depressive funks. I think that’s a total waste of time and will only piss people off, so I tell her no. Just because she wants everyone to have fun so she doesn’t have to act like an adult or approach our situation seriously, doesn’t mean everyone else has to change the way they act for her. She begs me to say yes. I tell her to grow up. I just wanted a nice, quiet drink before bed. Is that too much to ask? Evidently. I tell her she’s not a good fit for the Inquisition. That she should just leave. So, she does. One less headache for all of us, and good friggin’ riddance.

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Solas and Cole are arguing in the courtyard. Cole wants Solas to bind him, to help him, but he won’t help. Cole is worried that someone could bind him like the Wardens were—that he could be turned into a monster. It’s a possibility and it’s admirable that Cole is trying to be proactive in protecting himself. Solas has heard of an amulet that’ll protect Cole. Wouldn’t binding him be a lot easier? Urgh! All these people with their problems. They never helped me with my clan—why the hell should I help them?
I go see the Arcanist, Dagna. She’s brought all manner of strange things with her. And she’s as cute as a button. Someone’s pulling my leg, right? I don’t get much time to consider the possibility as she immediately asks what I need. To the point! I like it.

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She’s excited by the finding of the crystal. Apparently it stores shades of memories, of conversations. Leliana arrives. She’s come to deliver news of her own, but then the crystal reacts to whatever Dagna’s doing. A green tinged outline of Corypheus and what must be Calpernia appears. Calpernia is worried about the demons, but Corypheus tells her not to be. Once she becomes the “vessel”, whatever that is, demons will be beneath her. The crystal shorts out and so does the vision. Great. Dagna has an idea: if she splits the crystal and puts on half in Calpernia’s belongings, we’ll be able to hear everything. Between that and investigating the elven ruins Calpernia is supposedly digging up, we might just have a shot at taking Corypheus’ lieutenant down a notch. But it’s also, on top of all of this, time for the Ball.

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Leliana and Josie are agreed that the assassin, or potential assassin, of Empress Celene must be hiding in either Duke Gaspard or Ambassador Briala’s factions. Both of them will be attending peace talks at the Ball with Empress Celene, so we must find the assassin before they can strike. Or you know, just put me in charge. That much power, that many people under my command? Corypheus’d be dead within a week. I suppose it’s not really up to me though, so we’re off.

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Emma Fissenden is a writer of all trades. When she’s not pushing through her next rewrite, she’s playing too many games and working as the Editor in Chief @noblegasqrtly. You can find her on Twitter @efissenden, or check out her other series for TMS, Game Changer.

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