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As If Trans People Weren’t Enough, New GOP Bill Also Comes After Furries

Two people in fur suits hug each other in front of a piece of artwork at the Eurofurence conference in 2015

OK, so first off: Trans rights are human rights. This is a horrific bill designed to control students’ identities and make it harder to exist, and if you’re in North Dakota, that’s already hard enough, OK? (It’s cold up there!) I hope this horrible piece of legislation never becomes law, and that anyone who supports it never finds parking again.

That said, this particular slice of hell has a weird carve-out for a new devilry that I will tell you about now. So buckle up, because it’s about to get Republican-y up in here. The GOP is at it again, friends.

In life, I am a big believer in asking, “what problem are you trying to solve?” It has served me well in both my professional and personal life. So I’d like to ask the numbskull Republican jerkwads in the North Dakota House of Representatives what problem are they trying to solve with their unhinged proposed legislation HB1522 that bans students from being Furries. I kid you not.

Being a Furry is extremely expensive. Go do a search on Google. The top result for a Fursuit starts at $5,000! Granted, you probably don’t need a suit in order to identify as a Furry, but the point stands. It’s not inexpensive! The larger point is that in addition to being reactionary and specific, this has to be one of two things. Either one of the authors of the bill saw something on Fox News and insisted this section be included (likely), or some student in North Dakota is identifying as a Furry, and in that case, I hope they know about the ACLU because freedom of expression! That’s a lawsuit right there, friend.

Why is it that when it comes to asking people to mildly adapt their behavior for the greater good via common public health measures, like wearing a mask, these Republican slime balls will scream about their rights being infringed upon until they’ve literally died of disease? But when it comes down to respecting someone’s inherent right to define their own identity, which literally requires no effort on another person’s part other than simply not being an a-hole, they feel the need to enact emergency legislation and create imaginary issues? Make this make sense to me! What problem are they trying to solve with this legislation, other than being cruel for cruelty’s sake?

Isn’t the point of school to provide a safe environment for kids to learn? How does restricting any part of their learning aid in that goal? There was a kid who was really into Knight Rider in my fourth grade class, even though the show had been off the air for years by that point, and my teacher—because she valued everyone getting an education—occasionally let him lead all of us in playing his made-up Knight Rider game because it made him happy and let him focus more on the lessons. (The game was: We all had to sit in a circle while he skipped around us, sing-chanting “Knight Rider! Knight Rider!” while gently tapping our heads. This would go on for about five minutes, until our teacher would call time and we’d all go out to recess. It was definitely quirky because I still remember it 30 years later, but it hurt no one and helped him focus in class.)

My point is, with proposed laws like this, the focus is not on education; it’s on control and submitting to some weird notion of what you should be that is controlled by Republican lawmakers (whose brains are rotted by Fox News and hatred for anyone who doesn’t think exactly like them).

Additionally, this bill is also very stupid because kids engage in imaginary play all the time! My friend and I used to pretend we were psychic birds for the entirety of spring recess in fourth grade. If this bill passes, what will happen to kids whose recess-time play spills over into class time? Will you throw them in detention? Give them a stern talking-to? Make them watch Fox News until all joy and childlike wonder is sucked from their lives forever?

(via Allison Chapman, featured image: )

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