‘How do we feel about married men being at the bar?’: Arizona bartender serves man. Then he brazenly tries to get her number

A bartender served two friendly men. Then one of them left, and the other revealed he was married and wanted her phone number.

TikToker Elizabeth Thorne (@elizabeththorne_) explained a recent interaction she had with a married customer in a video with more than 309,000 views. In it, she said that the man blatantly hit on her despite being obviously married and even admitting it to her face. She also mentioned that married men frequently hit on her, and she was “disgusted” by their willingness to cheat on their partners.

That led to the question: Should married men even be at bars?

What Happened At This Bar?

Two men approached Thorne, who works as a bartender in Arizona. She noted that they were nice and discussed their lives and children rather than anything particularly scandalous.

The men were initially outside the bar, but they moved inside after some time. There, they remained for an hour, having regular bartender-to-customer interactions. One of them announced he was leaving. The other man decided to stay for the time being.

Thorne thought it was strange that one of the men left while the other stayed. At first, things were fine. Then the man asked for her phone number.

The TikToker had an inkling that something was off. The man had a visible ring on his finger that she mentioned later in the video. “I was like, ‘Aren’t you married?'” she said. “And he was like, ‘Well, yeah.'”

Thorne told the man he was being disrespectful to both her and his wife back home. Unfortunately, she couldn’t end the interaction there. He harassed her for her phone number for the next 30 minutes until she finally made it clear that she wasn’t giving him any additional information.

How often do married customers harass servers?

Thorne said that her “faith in humanity just gets lower and lower” every single time she works. According to her, married men frequently ask for her number or bother her.

Thorne’s experience isn’t necessarily uncommon. Across the hospitality industry, a number of women have described being harassed at work. An estimated 78% of servers and bartenders reported being harassed by customers, according to the Restaurant Opportunities Centers United (ROC United).

In addition, the subreddit r/bartenders has a number of stories from hospitality workers who have had pushy customers, similar to Thorne’s situation.

One Reddit user described a recent experience she had in the workplace with a “creep,” saying, “He told my coworker she should act like she’s giving him a ball exam when she put on gloves, and just made us feel unsafe overall because he was so pushy, and we were clearly uncomfortable.”

Commenters told the original poster that her manager should have dealt with the situation, but it was unclear if they did or didn’t.

To bar or not to bar: What’s appropriate for a married person?

Many of Thorne’s commenters said that when married, it’s more appropriate to cut back on drinking, partying, and staying out late. That includes not flirting with waitstaff, who didn’t ask to be the subject of a married person’s affections.

“I go to the bar with friends every once in a while to have a drink and hang out, but yeah I’m not flirting with the bartender or anyone else for that matter,” one commenter said.

There isn’t an established rule that dictates married people can’t go to the bar. Relationships in general work with trust, communication, and proactive boundary-setting. Time apart can even be a healthy aspect of a relationship, especially if trust is established and kept.

@elizabeththorne_ Do we think married people should be at the bar without their significant other ? #arizona #fyp #bartender #server #bar ♬ original sound – elizabeththorne_

The Mary Sue has reached out to Thorne via TikTok direct message and comment.

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