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  1. Update: Sex Geckos on Russian Space Satellite All Reported Dead

    This isn't very sexy at all.

    If you, like us, have been gleefully following the story of the fornicating gecko-filled satellite that briefly lost contact with Earth a few months ago, then we've got bad news for you: According to Roskosmos space agency, all the geckos on the satellite have gone to that big lizard orgy in the sky.

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  2. I Do Declare! 86-Year-Old Great-Grandmother Has Written Her First Romance Novel.

    I've fallen (for you) and I can't get up!

    You can take your Christian Grey and shove him: No Goodbye is the new socially acceptable erotic plane-read.

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  3. Russia’s Sexy Space Geckos Memorialized Forever In Fantastic Poster

    Teeny-tiny Gecko voices: "You can't take the skies from us!"

    Last week we brought to your attention the most important thing to happen to journalism since Johannes Gutenberg cobbled together the printing press: Russia sent a quintet of geckos into space to study the effects of zero-gravity on lizard boinking (ooooh yeah), the reptilian Romeos mutinied (that's the story I'm going with) and satellite Foton-M4 and its copulating cargo went rogue.

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  4. “How to Have Cybersex on the Internet” Is the Pinnacle of ’90s Instructional Videos, Human Achievement

    A/S/L?

    I have a hard (grooooooan) time deciding which part of this 1997 instructional video on cybersex I like best: Our guide through the wild lands of cybering suddenly losing her shirt halfway through, or her very precise and polite invite to online sexytimes being met with "yesssssssssss."

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  5. Real-Life Headline Alert: Russia Has Lost Control Of a Sex Satellite Filled With Geckos

    Don't go getting any bright ideas, astronauts.

    Last Saturday Russia's Institute of Medico-Biological Problems launched a Foton-M4 satellite filled with five geckos into orbit so that the people of earth would know how reptile booty is impacted by zero-gravity. Unfortunately, the cold-blooded casanovas had a different plan: due to a technical glitch (or possible mutiny) the orbiting orgy has gone rogue.

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  6. Mental Floss Video Examines 20 Commonly-Held Misconceptions About Sex

    I did not know that about corn flakes.

    Mental Floss wants to clear a couple of things up about human anatomy and the purpose of one ubiquitous breakfast cereal.

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  7. Female Florida Manatee Rescued From Sexhaustion After Six-Hour Mating Session

    I'll have what she's having.

    While I don't like the connotations that the phrase "walk of shame" has (shouldn't it be march of fist-pumping triumph instead?), a female manatee now has the walk of shame story to put all others to, well, shame after an extreme sex-hangover left her stranded on a beach in Florida last week. We get it, Ms.Manatee, you're hot shit, okay?

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  8. J.K. Rowling Addresses Fan Questions About Voldemort’s Virginity. Because That Is A Question Someone Had.

    Well, it's hard when you live on the back of someone's head.

    One fan dared to ask J.K. Rowling herself if He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named ever got his parsel tongued, and Rowling answered in typical classy fashion.

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  9. Chemistry Makes Sex Better, and This Video Explains How

    It's business chemistry time.

    Chemistry has made life in these modern times a lot better, and that includes sex lives in these modern times. The latest video from The American Chemical Society series Reactions breaks down four ways in which chemistry has made its way between the sheets.

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  10. Welcome to Our New Geek Sex Column: Self-Insert

    Go, little guy, go!

    Don't judge me too much here, but I've never seen Revenge of the Nerds. It's not out of protest -- I just never have. What I have done, however, is osmosed culturally the dichotomy presented by the film's main character: All jocks ever think about is sports, but all nerds ever think about is sex.

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