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  1. Benedict Cumberbatch Describes Sherlock Sex, Uses The Word Girth

    Sexlock

    OK, Elle UK must have gotten hold of a monkey's paw or something. Not only did they have Tom Hiddleston, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Benedict Cumberbatch in feminism shirts, now they've got Cumberbatch quotes involving Sherlock and sex! "He knows bodies very well," he told them. Go on...

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  2. Sex Expert Dr. Ruth Livetweeted Apple’s iPad Event

    Ummm...

    What is this I don't even?

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  3. ATTN ALL: Erotic Downton Abbey Vacations Are a Thing Now

    "Why hello."

    I'm just going to jump into this one like Thomas jumps into making questionable decisions: There's a Downton Abbey-themed sexcation, and everything about it sounds A M A Z I N G.

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  4. Update: Sex Geckos on Russian Space Satellite All Reported Dead

    This isn't very sexy at all.

    If you, like us, have been gleefully following the story of the fornicating gecko-filled satellite that briefly lost contact with Earth a few months ago, then we've got bad news for you: According to Roskosmos space agency, all the geckos on the satellite have gone to that big lizard orgy in the sky.

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  5. I Do Declare! 86-Year-Old Great-Grandmother Has Written Her First Romance Novel.

    I've fallen (for you) and I can't get up!

    You can take your Christian Grey and shove him: No Goodbye is the new socially acceptable erotic plane-read.

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  6. Russia’s Sexy Space Geckos Memorialized Forever In Fantastic Poster

    Teeny-tiny Gecko voices: "You can't take the skies from us!"

    Last week we brought to your attention the most important thing to happen to journalism since Johannes Gutenberg cobbled together the printing press: Russia sent a quintet of geckos into space to study the effects of zero-gravity on lizard boinking (ooooh yeah), the reptilian Romeos mutinied (that's the story I'm going with) and satellite Foton-M4 and its copulating cargo went rogue.

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  7. “How to Have Cybersex on the Internet” Is the Pinnacle of ’90s Instructional Videos, Human Achievement

    A/S/L?

    I have a hard (grooooooan) time deciding which part of this 1997 instructional video on cybersex I like best: Our guide through the wild lands of cybering suddenly losing her shirt halfway through, or her very precise and polite invite to online sexytimes being met with "yesssssssssss."

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  8. Real-Life Headline Alert: Russia Has Lost Control Of a Sex Satellite Filled With Geckos

    Don't go getting any bright ideas, astronauts.

    Last Saturday Russia's Institute of Medico-Biological Problems launched a Foton-M4 satellite filled with five geckos into orbit so that the people of earth would know how reptile booty is impacted by zero-gravity. Unfortunately, the cold-blooded casanovas had a different plan: due to a technical glitch (or possible mutiny) the orbiting orgy has gone rogue.

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  9. Mental Floss Video Examines 20 Commonly-Held Misconceptions About Sex

    I did not know that about corn flakes.

    Mental Floss wants to clear a couple of things up about human anatomy and the purpose of one ubiquitous breakfast cereal.

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  10. Female Florida Manatee Rescued From Sexhaustion After Six-Hour Mating Session

    I'll have what she's having.

    While I don't like the connotations that the phrase "walk of shame" has (shouldn't it be march of fist-pumping triumph instead?), a female manatee now has the walk of shame story to put all others to, well, shame after an extreme sex-hangover left her stranded on a beach in Florida last week. We get it, Ms.Manatee, you're hot shit, okay?

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