Really, though, you don't have to read 50 Shades. Just... don't.
Generally the less I have to think about 50 Shades of Grey, the better. I say generally, though, because occasionally this truly terrible phenomenon can give way to some surprisingly enjoyable parodies. Such is the case with a certain ExplainlikeIAmA thread on Reddit in which user Traceofbass lays out the plot of 50 Shades in the style of Dr. Seuss. Prepare to have your childhood ruined. Or enhanced, if you're into that sort of thing, I guess.