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10 Instances In Which History Meets Geekery

by Rebecca Pahle | 12:27 pm, August 1st, 2012

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1.Let Us Explain

History: It’s chock full of colorful characters and crazy random happenstances. But more often than not, when a historical character makes it to the big screen it’s in the form of a cookie-cutter biopic. What gives? History is dynamic and exciting! As a history geek, I’d much rather see Napoleon fighting wizards and fairy kings than some boring Oscar bait biopic on the (actually not short!) Emperor.

Not to say that biopics can’t be awesome. Of course they can. I have my fingers crossed that Steven Spielberg’s Lincoln, hitting theaters this winter, will be. And the combination of history and geekery doesn’t always yield positive results; I didn’t see Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (it looked too much like a case of all-style-no-substance for my tastes) but apparently it wasn’t all that great. The issue of historical inaccuracies is, generally speaking, less important than whether the movie in question succeeded in being good. When done right, the fictionalization of historical characters can be a beautiful thing. Here are ten examples from TV and film of history geekery done right. Your favorite not make it to the list? There’s a historical character (*coughArthurConanDoylecough*) you really want to show up on Doctor Who? Want to defend Anastasia? Get thee to the comments.

2.Agatha Christie, Doctor Who

This entire list could be comprised of just historical cameos from Doctor Who. There’s Dickens, Van Gogh, Queens Victoria and Elizabeth, Shakespeare, Madame de Pompadour (and that’s just New Who!)... but I have a spot for Fenella Woolgar’s Agatha Christie, who helps the Doctor figure out what the hell a giant wasp is doing in 1920s England in “The Unicorn and the Wasp,” the funniest episode of season four (see: the detox scene). She holds her own against the Doctor and has a delightful rapport going with Donna, with whom she bonds over their respective relationship problems (Agatha’s husband was caught with a younger woman, Donna’s fiancé with a giant alien spider). Sure, it’s incredibly unlikely that Dame Christie’s ten-day vanishing act (which actually did happen—she went to a health spa after the one-two punch of the death of her mother and her husband’s aforementioned affair) was really due to a giant wasp and a necklace-cum-telepathy device... but hey, everything’s more interesting when you add an alien or two. “Can we return to sanity?,” Christie explains in the episode. Uh, no, ma’am. This is Doctor Who.

3.Albert Einstein, Star Trek: The Next Generation

Albert Einstein, <em>Star Trek: The Next Generation</em>

The Father of Relativity made two appearances in The Next Generation courtesy of the Enterprise’s Holodeck: In the first, season four’s “The Nth Degree,” he got science lesson’d by an intellectually juiced-up Barclay, whose consciousness was invaded/augmented by an advanced race of beings known as the Cytherians. In the second, the season 6 finale “Descent: Part 1,” he, Isaac Newton, and Stephen Hawking (as himself) play a friendly game of poker with Data, who called up the three scientific geniuses because he “was curious to see how three of history’s greatest minds would interact.” Hawking and Einstein get along fine, bonding over a hilarious (well, I assume) joke about “the perihelion of Mercury.” Newton turns out to be something of a sourpuss, though, snapping at his fellow scientists about being the inventor of physics and giving Einstein grief about a simple arithmetic error. Sass from Newton, being shown up by Barclay... Einstein doesn’t have it easy in TNG, but he handles the various indignities thrown his way rather well. In fact, he kind of comes across as shock-haired German teddy bear. I like to think that Newton wasn’t invited to any subsequent poker games.

4.Anastasia Romanov, Anastasia

Confession time: I don’t like this movie all that much. Yes, I know it’s not supposed to be historically accurate, but it’s one thing to fudge details or create a work of speculative fiction (I don’t need to tell anyone that Grand Duchess Anastasia was never actually proven to have escaped from the massacre of her family, right? Good.) and another to present the Russian Revolution as a consequence of peasants being magically bewitched into wanting to overthrow those awesome Romanovs.

Maybe it’s a combination of me not having seen this movie until fairly recently (I know, I know, my poor childhood) and me being a history major, but that seriously bugged me, though not as much as the fact that movie-Anastasia (or Anya) seems completely unaffected by the fact that her entire immediate family, whom she couldn’t remember but dreamed of one day finding, were all violently murdered. I mean, it’s great that you have a grandmother now, but most people would kinda broken up if they recovered from amnesia only to discover that their parents and siblings aren’t really around to welcome them back into the fold.

But regardless of the historical tomfoolery and plot issues (Why did you think the pair of forgers were taking you, Anya, the maybe-Anastasia, to Paris if not for reward money? And aren’t you even a little concerned that a malevolent supernatural force is clearly trying to off you?), it’s hard for me to be too mad at this movie, because the title character’s just so freaking awesome. She’s more realistic than most other kid’s movie princesses combined. She slouches. She sasses Dimitri and saves his life a few times. She doesn’t let herself be pushed around or shoved to the side when there’s danger afoot. And she may whine when tasked with something boring like memorizing the Romanov family tree—though I think most everyone, teenage girl or no, would do the same—she ultimately buckles down and does what needs to be done... while singing a chipper song, no less!

So yeah, while ostensibly based on a historical figure, Anastasia’s about as fictional as Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Ariel or Belle—but I’d much rather hang out with her than any of those milquetoast princesses.

5.Ed Wood, Ed Wood

A professional failure during his lifetime, Edward D. Wood Jr. ascended to the heights of cult stardom two years after his death when he was named the Worst Director of All Time by the Golden Turkey Awards. Fourteen years later the director of Plan 9 from Outer Space finally made it into a good film when Tim Burton directed the critically acclaimed (but financially unsuccessful) Ed Wood.

Johnny Depp plays Wood as unfailingly optimistic to the point of being delusional, a naïve dreamer who refuses to back down from his dreams of being the next Orson Welles even when told by everyone from studio bigwigs to his landlord to his long-time girlfriend that he’s really very bad at making movies. Burton, a long-time fan of the B-movie legend, was up front about not wanting to make a bias-free biopic, and as such the film doesn’t touch on the troubles Wood faced later in life—alcoholism, depression, serious financial difficulties—or the giant pink elephant in the room: Wood never received the respect so much desired, mostly because all of his films were so terrible.

6.Elizabeth I, Blackadder

Elizabeth I, or “Queenie” as she’s known in the Blackadder universe, is about as far from the most well-known portrayal of the Virgin Queen—Cate Blanchett’s Oscar-nominated turn in 1998’s Elizabeth—as you’re likely to get. It’s been a while since I’ve seen it, but I’m guessing the film is more accurate—unless Queen Liz actually did threaten those closest to her with beheading for not bringing her presents or failing to laugh at her bad jokes. If that’s the case, gotta say I’m disappointed at my high school world history teacher for leaving it out.

Queenie, played in Blackadder’s second season by the always-awesome Miranda Richardson in one of her first major roles, is an immature, spoiled brat who loves presents, parties, and telling people she’s going to have them beheaded—sometimes as a practical joke, sometimes not. The season’s comprised of only six half-hour episodes (though she does appear in the specials Blackadder’s Christmas Carol and Blackadder: Back and Forth), and picking a single favorite Queenie moment is tough... but I personally love her reaction to being discovered having snuck into a boys-only party in episode five. “I am the Queen of England!,” she haughtily proclaims. “I may have the body of a weak and feeble woman. But I have the heart and stomach of a concrete elephant!... First, I’m going to have a little drinky. And then I’m going to execute the whole bally lot of you.”

7.Hua Mulan, Mulan

Mulan might not be the most iconic of the Disney princesses (and OK, she’s not really a princess...), but dammit, she’s far and away the best. The kick-ass lady she was based on is pretty awesome, too. The female warrior who disguised herself as a man and took her father’s place in the army made her first recorded appearance in the Ballad of Mulan, a poem believed to have originally been written in the sixth century, though its first recorded appearance is in a lyrical anthology published several centuries later. Since then the Chinese folk tale has been embellished and expanded on, giving birth to many variations along the way. Since there are no contemporary accounts of the heroine, it’s not even a sure thing that she existed.

But regardless of whether Hua Mulan (or Zhu Mulan or Wei Mulan, depending on which version you read) was actually around kicking butt during the Wei dynasty (or Sui, or Tang), her story is an inspiring one, even more so than it is in the Disney movie. In the original legend, Mulan kept up her ruse for a whole 12 years, until the war (which wasn’t against the Huns, as they were long gone by then) ended. Instead of accepting the lavish government position she was offered by the Emperor, she requested a camel so she could head back home. No one even found out she wasn’t exactly rocking the typical soldierly equipment (ifyouknowwhatImean) until some of her fellow soldiers visited her after all the drama was already over. (In one version of the legend the commanding general, who had decided Mulan would make a great son-in-law, tasked a subordinate with delivering wedding gifts to the strapping young lad... who turned out to be a strapping young lady. Awkward.)

Disney version, original version, actual person, fictional—doesn’t matter. Mulan’s awesome. Now go listen to “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” in celebration of her. (And good luck getting it out of your head afterwards.)

8.Joan of Arc, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure

Joan of Arc, <em>Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure</em>

It’s tough to decide which historical figure zapped forward in time by Ted “Theodore” Logan and Bill S. Preston, Esq. I like best... is it Socrates (or So-crates), with his love of Kansas lyrics? Abraham Lincoln, who discovers his love of partying on? Napoleon, the maniacal, ice-cream loving little gnome? There’s a special place in my hear, though, for the Jazzercise-loving Joan of Arc, played by Jane Wiedlin of The Go-Go’s. There she is in a church one day, sending off a little prayer to her BFF God, when who should pop down from Heaven San Dimas but the Wyld Stallyns! I like to think that palling around space and time with Bill, Ted, and the rest of their history buddies gave Joan a nice little vacation before she eventually went back to France to fulfill her destiny of leading the French army in several victories against the English and being burned at the stake... actually, no, I don’t like to think that. God, that’s depressing. OK, mental fanfic time: Once back in France she kept up with her new-found fitness regime, which enabled her to make a cunning escape from the dastardly English and set up shop in an out-of-the-way French village, where she instructed her neighbors in the art of dance-based group exercise. There. Much better.

9.Mary Shelley, Bride of Frankenstein

Mary Shelley, <em>Bride of Frankenstein</em>

Arguably the inventor of something very near to our heart here at The Mary Sue—science fiction, that is—Mary Shelley got her first on-screen tribute all the way back in 1935, when she was brought to life by actress Elsa Lanchester, most famous for her other Bride of Frankenstein role: That of the Bride herself. Though the majority of her screentime sees her in that iconic fright wig, Lanchester plays Mary Shelley in the film’s prologue, in which the legendary authoress hangs out in a swanky parlor with Percy Bysshe Shelley and Lord Byron while a vicious storm (of course) rages outside. As Percy pens some poetry and Byron rhapsodizes about how great the three of them are, Mary sits by the fire, engrossed in her embroidery... until Byron brings the conversation around to her most famous book. “Can you believe that bland and lovely brrrrow conceived of Frankenstein? A monster created from cadavers out of rrrrifled grrraves? Isn’t it astonishing?,” he trills. Her response—“I don’t know why you should think so! What do you expect? Such an audience needs something stronger than a pretty little love story. Why shouldn’t I write of monsters?”—is more than a little arch, and when she asks the pair if they’d like to hear the tale of what happens after Frankenstein’s monster meets his destruction in the burning mill, they crowd around her on the sofa, eager to hear the tale. Because when it comes tales of terror told on a dark and stormy night, Percy Shelley and Lord Byron know that that frilly-dressed young woman who’s afraid of lightning and responded to being called an angel with a sweet-yet-ominous “You think so?” is where it’s at.

10.Nikola Tesla, The Prestige

If there’s one phrase that sets my film/history geek heart racing, it’s this: “Nikola Tesla, played by David Bowie, in a film directed by Christopher Nolan.” In the film, Tesla is a reclusive scientist (accurate) holed up in a lab in Colorado Springs (accurate) who has figured out how to make a machine that, though initially presented as a teleportation device, is actually a cloning device (inaccurate... as far as anyone knows). I’m not 100% convinced that if Tesla had been trying to come up with such a device, he wouldn’t have been able to pull it off. Late in his life the famously eccentric scientist—who in his old age became attached to a particular female pigeon and was devastated when she died, saying “I had only to wish and call her and she would come flying to me. I loved that pigeon as a man loves a women, and she loved me. As long as I had her, there was a purpose to my life.”—came up with plans for a Death Ray. (To be fair, it was the New York Times that coined the distressing moniker in a 1934 article; the New York Sun referred to it as a “Peace Ray.”) If there ever were a real-life scheme involving clones, secret doubles and revenge-obsessed magicians, Tesla’s the first historical figure who comes to mind as someone who totally would have been involved in it somehow.

A fictionalized Tesla has also put in appearances in several TV shows and little-known movies, though in none of them was he played by Jareth the Goblin King. Shame.

11.Tomás de Torquemada, History of the World: Part I

Tomás de Torquemada, <em>History of the World: Part I</em>

Torquemada wasn’t the only historical figure Mel Brooks put his unique spin on in this comedy classic—but neither Moses nor King Louis XVI got their own musical number, so Torquemada is by default the movie’s best historical reimagining. Known as the “Hammer of Heretics,” he wasn’t exactly a chummy, song-and-dance-number kinda guy—as the first Grand Inquisitor of the Spanish Inquisition, he was responsible for the torture and execution of thousands of innocent men, women and children. A religious fanatic instrumental in the mass expulsion of Jews from Spain and a big fan of the auto da fé (Auto da fé? What’s an auto da fé?), a ritual of public penance that usually ended in the condemned heretic being burned at the stake (It’s what your oughtn’t to do but you do anyway.), Torquemada reportedly grew quite paranoid in his old age, convinced that he was the target of would-be assassins (though honestly there was probably no shortage of people who wanted him dead).

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Lily Queen

And yes, for the poor souls unfamiliar with Blackadder, that’s Hugh Laurie boggling in the background.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Mark-Brown/100003806213451 Mark Brown

Heresy, I know, but I actually kinda prefer the Sanctuary version of Tesla; the electric vampire as played by Jonathon Young. He’s just more fun. Cool as Bowie is, he was really just a walking plot device in The Prestige.

Also, I’d like to point out the time Albert Einstein (played hilariously by Walter Matthau) played matchmaker in I.Q., and the time Leonardo daVinci played matchmaker in Ever After.
http://twitter.com/moviemakermag MovieMaker Magazine

ACK
http://twitter.com/RebeccaPahle Rebecca Pahle

Much like he was a walking codpiece in Labyrinth. I can’t complain. *shrug*

Been a while since I’ve seen either of those, but I remember enjoying them. Einstein was also apparently played by Andy Serkis opposite David Tennant’s Arthur Eddington in a made-for-BBC movie… quick, to the Netflix queue!

(Annnnnd I was accidentally signed in to my work’s Twitter account, thus the hastily-edited now-ACK comment.)
http://twitter.com/KateDrewThis Katharine Tapley

Wasn’t he fun? And so terribly, terribly sexy.
http://roseeclipse.livejournal.com/ Rose Jones

Brilliant list and definitely a lot of fun mixing history with adventure/sci fi/musicals. I’m so glad I recognized nearly everyone on the list and the mention of “Blackadder” is a great welcome to the Mary Sue. (There’s an episode including the Scarlet Pimpernel, based on the Orczy novel, that’s my favorite on the show). Bonus points for bringing high-step aerobics back to Medieval France. :D

If the “Outlander” series ever gets made into a TV show then we’ll get some useful 20th century medicine tips for 18th century Scots.

I hope this list can add the upcoming “Hitchcock” film with Anthony Hopkins playing the Master of Suspense. Maybe it’ll just be Oscar bait but I’m looking forward to James D’Arcy as Anthony Perkins.
http://twitter.com/invalidname Chris Adamson

Another one: as if “Madoka Magica” weren’t enough of a mind-screw, it casually posits why Himiko, Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, and Anne Frank, and other women played such pivotal roles in history, and why without them, we’d still be living in caves. Spoilers here: http://wiki.puella-magi.net/Madoka_Magica_Episode_11:_The_Only_Signpost_Remaining
http://twitter.com/RebeccaPahle Rebecca Pahle

Ooh, I’ll have to watch that. Blackadder II’s the only season I’ve seen—but I think I might be hooked now. Plus I’m ALREADY hooked on French Revolution-era history, so the Scarlet Pimpernel ep is definitely on my to-watch list.

I saw this thriller recently called Replicas, where James D’Arcy played this absolutely creepy bad guy. Made me very excited to see Hitchcock (I know Perkins HIMSELF wasn’t a creeper—or at least I assume so—but still.)
http://www.facebook.com/LoveTheLiving Breeana Proffit

Just went to listen to “I’ll make a man out of you” as ordered… Do I get teh cookie? ^_^ (LOVE MULAN)
http://twitter.com/BreeBrouwer Bree B./Woman Friday

Gotta agree with the Anastasia issues you have, though. I feel the same. However, in regards to strength of the characters, you’re dead on. Besides Anastasia, I’ve only seen one or two other children’s animated films that have ever been that realistic and honest in their portrayal of people, and if I recall correctly, none of those films were made by Disney. :)
http://www.facebook.com/lisa.s.homstad Lisa Setsuko Homstad

Ian Holm’s Napolean in the Terry Gilliam film Time Bandits?
http://twitter.com/Staar84 Erin Carr

If it helps, the cartoon movie was based on the 1950′s live action version starring Ingrid Bergman, rather than based in history.

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Power Grid

10 Instances In Which History Meets Geekery

9 Female Characters We Wish We’d Been More Like In High School

The 7 Geekiest Moments Of The Academy Awards