Ol’ Dumpy T. is the first U.S. president to ever be impeached twice.
While we’re all familiar with the “inciting insurrection” accusation that he miraculously managed to dodge for his behavior during the January 6 attack on the Capitol building, Donald Trump has been in hot water before. (Honestly, I think he was born in it.) While some Republicans try to claim selective amnesia about the events of January 6, we know that it was spurred on by the former President.
So what was the thing that got him in trouble the first time?
My guess is it was being born as the son of a guy named Fred Christ Trump. Yes, that is his middle name. And he was about the furthest thing from Jesus Christ as shit is from solid gold. You KNOW that he’s gonna have some serious daddy issues being the son of a guy like that. It’s almost enough to make you feel bad for the guy. Almost. But not at all.
So what did ol’ Freddy Christ’s Kid do to get impeached the first time?
It started the way all Trump’s problems usually do: when he picked up the phone.
Dumptruck Don hopped on the horn to call up Volodymyr Zelensky, the President of Ukraine and world’s number #1 DILF to try to dig up some dirt on Hunter Biden, son of our current president and Trump rival Joe Biden. Hunter Biden was then working for a Ukrainian-based energy company, and Trump and his cronies believed that Hunter’s father had put him there during the Obama years as a lawbreaking political favor. Does this mean that Trump was genuinely concerned about the character ethics of the then-Vice President? Hardly. He was simply trying to bury his competition in the most underhanded way possible. Like father, like son.
To make matters worse (because this is Trump, matters always get worse) the Trump administration was accused of withholding military aid from Ukraine until the president got his way. Playground bullying on an international scale. Trump also refused to meet with Zelensky at a previously promised White House meeting. Angered by Ukraine’s refusal to cooperate, he also used the opportunity to spread a since discredited conspiracy theory that Ukraine, not Russia, was responsible for attempting to influence the 2016 election. He wanted to shift blame away from Putin because one, he’s a Putin fanboy, and two, Putin helped put him in office in the first place. Oh, and three: he’s scared of the guy.
The House was not impressed by Trump’s behavior. In the words of the House’s judiciary committee, Trump “betrayed the nation by abusing his high office to enlist a foreign power in corrupting democratic elections.” Basically, he tried to influence Biden’s upcoming election chances by utilizing classic Republican “dirty tricks,” but went the extra mile by attempting to coerce another country to aid him in doing so. No one thought it could get much worse than that, until January 6 at least.
Despite a strong case against the former President, he was acquitted by two Senate votes in February 2020. All but one Republican voted to acquit him. That one Republican was Senator Mitt Romney. Tulsi Gabbard also voted in a surprising manner, although less “pleasantly” surprising than Romney. In what seemed to be an effort to solidify her “maverick” status, she voted “present” on both votes. Useful Tulsi, really useful. Even if Gabbard had decided to vote against Trump, it wouldn’t have mattered. The law requires a supermajority in order to convict the president, which means that at least 20 Republican senators would have had to break party lines in order for the conviction to be successful. Due to the fact that most of them were using the former president for their own political and personal gain, that wasn’t gonna happen.
Unsurprisingly, the former president railed against the impeachment proceedings, calling them a “hoax” and a “witch hunt.” He was equally smug when news of his victory came. Nevertheless, impeachment is a permanent stain on the reputation of a politician, whether that politician is convicted or no. Former president Richard Nixon resigned rather than face an impeachment trial for his involvement with the Watergate scandal. And now with two impeachments under his belt, Trump’s reputation is doubly soiled, much like I assume his underwear is on a daily basis.
(featured image: Anna Moneymaker, Getty Images)
