Ever think about where you would have ended up in a movie as a character? For me, I’ve always known that I’d never be the “romantic lead” or a character that had her s … tuff together. I’d basically always be Zooey Deschanel characters, and that’s not okay with me. Yet again, when does Hollywood care about actual character growth?
So, many of us on Twitter took to sharing our own stress over who we would be as a character in a movie, and honestly, the results are hilarious—while also being extremely frustrating, because who really acts like a male or female romantic lead in a movie? Are any of us Matthew McConaughey? Is Matthew McConaughey even Matthew McConaughey?
The thread goes on and on, but to be fair, this is a great look at how many of us would play out in a movie. We’re all just reading ourselves.
Hello, I’m a professor in a movie, I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.
— Rory Turnbull (@_roryturnbull) January 1, 2019
Hello, I’m a scientist in a movie. All my experiments magically work first time and I get the correct results instantly. https://t.co/XSAD0DvHer
— Tits McGee (@Scientits) January 3, 2019
Hi, I’m a black guy in I movie. If I’m not a gang member, drug dealer, drug-dealing gang member, or star athlete with a troubled background, then I’m a secondary character with street smarts, the comic relief with street smarts, or Will Smith. I’m very likely to die. https://t.co/dquXtCUgKm
— Dr Orville Rhythm (@DrJamesMasonry) January 4, 2019
Hi, I’m an N.Y.P.D. Firefighter in a movie. I don’t need Breathing Apparatus when I go into an atmosphere that would kill with a couple of Breaths. We always rescue a dame, a puppy or our brother, while the skyline explodes behind us. https://t.co/MwFxKSbKDn
— Robbie (@Robbiebox147) August 31, 2019
Hi, I’m a bar manager in a movie. I inexplicably clean the bar counter with a glass cloth, I can always hear what the customer is ordering despite it being 5 deep and nobody ever orders a Guinness. https://t.co/wOu9Bszs7T
— Emma Hardman (@EmuHp) August 31, 2019
Hi I’m a woman in a movie. I have perfect hair and make up even when I’m in a perilous situation. I have amazing sex without looking ugly or removing my bra and the leading man’s shirt always fits me like haute couture in the morning https://t.co/rEHkhaFMTW
— Morgers (@goldilocksrocks) August 31, 2019
Hi I’m a mentally ill woman in a movie. My mental illness will never be fully explained but it’ll always be the reason I kill / haunt / stalk your non-mentally ill protagonist xxx https://t.co/UbroQWgeEk
— Maggy (@maggyvaneijk) September 1, 2019
Hi, I’m a disabled woman in a movie. I rarely exist, AT ALL. But when I do, I’m almost never an actual character. I exist purely for the benefit of abled characters & to make audiences feel “inspired”. Most disabled ppl in movies are “fakers” or make miraculous recoveries 🙄 https://t.co/iXlAmtx4yr
— Kitty Kavanagh (@chronicfab) September 2, 2019
👋🏻 I’m a fat person in a movie. I’m the comic relief, usually entirely self-hating. My redemption comes in the form of before/after and weight loss storylines. I’m usually played by thin women in fat suits. https://t.co/1wUeXSKHkx
— Meghan Tonjes (@meghantonjes) September 2, 2019
I’m the fat Black girl in a movie. With no storyline of my own. I’m funny. I’m also here to inspire “confidence” in the skinny [YT] protagonist. To tell them to love themselves before anyone else. Maybe I’ll throw in a neck roll for good measure & a “girlfriend!” on top of that. https://t.co/0pfqnizMAl
— Clarkisha Kent (@IWriteAllDay_) September 3, 2019
I’m the quirky girl in a movie. I wear band t-shirts and read books while wearing Harry Potter glasses. I may end up with the male lead’s nerdy best friend or I have no purpose other than to give advice to the female protagonist, this is my destiny. https://t.co/YezX7m9B3J
— rachel leishman (@RachelLeishman) September 4, 2019
So, who are you? Are you the quirky best friend, the romantic lead who has no character traits aside from being in love, or something not even a cliché? Let us know your defining film characteristics in the comments!
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