House Reps. Kevin McCarthy and Steve Scalise share a look.

Well That Was Quick: Scalise Out as Speaker Nominee

We've had cartons of milk last longer than Republican nominees.

It’s been nearly two weeks since Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz led the charge to fire Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy, bringing Congress to a standstill. And given the Republicans’ internal dysfunction and razor-thin majority, finding a replacement has been an absolute trainwreck. The GOP has, for at least the entirety of my lifetime, operated under a single dichotomy, which is Republicans rule and Democrats drool. It turns out that building a political party around shared grievances and a commitment to not governing makes it really hard to, you know, govern. Now, moderate Republicans are hamstrung by extremists and struggling to find common ground with the motley group of social scum they’ve accepted into their ranks. Such is the state of the current Republican party. So it is with no ounce of surprise that I share with you what you already knew was going to happen: Steve Scalise has removed himself from the nomination process for the Speaker of the House position. Excuse me while I go point and laugh at this guy. Per CNN:

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“I just shared with my colleagues that I’m withdrawing my name as a candidate for the speaker designee,” the Louisiana Republican told reporters.

The swift downfall of Scalise’s speakership nomination came just a day after the GOP conference voted for him over Rep. Jim Jordan, 113-99. The withdrawal was as shocking as it was predictable, after a band of Republicans almost immediately blocked his path and said there was no way they would vote for Scalise as speaker. The move deepens the House GOP leadership crisis, with still no indication there is any viable candidate who could secure the 217 votes needed to win the gavel.

I know the Republicans have systematically attacked the public school system for decades in this country, so their STEM skills are a little lacking. Still, Scalise ran the numbers and realized the math simply didn’t math for him. So now what? I feel like we’re just hours away from the Republicans putting out a press release with a simple message: if you find a viable candidate for Speaker of the House hiding under your couch cushions, could you please let them know!?

Now look, I could sit here and lament about the degraded state of the American political system, but you know what? I had enough of that when the Republicans got their traitorous leader elected and as a result, I lost my rights over my bodily autonomy. The Republicans have been f*cking around for so long, that they never thought the find-out stage was coming, but here it is. And the schadenfreude is palpable. The fact they are floundering with so little grace and self-awareness is spectacular. Take for example, how ousted leader Kevin McCarthy decided to complain about the current state of his party:

That’s right. That man is truly complaining about how a minority of extremists are making decisions that affect the entire group. Gee, I wonder if he will make the connection that Donald Trump was elected president by approximately 80,000 votes spread out across three states, despite losing the popular vote by 2.9 million votes. Again, because the entire GOP operates under the (false) pretense that they’re nailing it, I sincerely doubt McCarthy will have any self-awareness here. This is, after all, a man who spent the weekend before the vote to remove him trash-talking the Democrats instead of trying to get them to cross the aisle and support him in the Speakership. A master tactician he is not.

I have no idea what the future holds for the House of Representatives. I do know that a small minority of truly unhinged far-right extremists are holding the entire process hostage. That means they will most likely not budge until their preferred fascist racist monster gets into the Speakership position. Maybe that will be Jim Jordan, who is making his second bid for Speaker of the House, or maybe it will be some other jagoff who is equally awful. All options the Republicans present are terrible. There is no one worthy on that side of the aisle. Yes, I understand that I too am operating under a stark dichotomy of Democrats aren’t awful, Republicans are. However, the facts speak for themselves. Even with a Republican president and majorities in the House and Senate, the conservative party was unable to govern. And watching these clowns flail is pretty funny. The only thing left to do is to make sure you and your loved ones remember how incompetent Republicans are when it comes time to vote in 2024.

(featured image: Anna Moneymaker/Getty Images)

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Kate Hudson
Kate Hudson (no, not that one) has been writing about pop culture and reality TV in particular for six years, and is a Contributing Writer at The Mary Sue. With a deep and unwavering love of Twilight and Con Air, she absolutely understands her taste in pop culture is both wonderful and terrible at the same time. She is the co-host of the popular Bravo trivia podcast Bravo Replay, and her favorite Bravolebrity is Kate Chastain, and not because they have the same first name, but it helps.