Amazon is currently in the process of producing its own Lord of the Rings series, The Rings of Power, which I’ve known little to nothing about because it seems like a new series is always coming out, to much acclaim. So, you can imagine my surprise when I heard that female orcs were trending on Twitter. I love orcs, I love women, and I was like, “Alright, let’s see what the fuss is about.”
Behold … she is the fuss:
Magnanimous Lady Orc, we salute thee. Unfortunately, some of these salutations come from Twitter, which means they run the gamut of everything gnasty—which I guess is befitting for a conversation about gnorcs. (Yes, that’s a Spyro joke. Don’t come at me, lore nerds.)
Here we have our dear friend “lib crusher,” who’s shooting his shot:
Something about the way she’s lifting a guy off of his feet in this shot tells me that she’ll need more than a Twitter DM to get down with her bad self, but hey, it’s the thought that counts.
Then we have this take, which is borderline nonsensical:
What’s the point being made here? Pretty sure it’s not being made in good faith, so I can only assume they’re laughing at the fact that women aren’t “supposed” to be there, which, like … okay, lol. You really got us, babe. My Brother in Orcs, if I had as much free time as you do to think up this nonsense, I’d probably be spending it making a nice meal for myself … and my new girlfriend, Orcitha.
But Orcitha is apparently making the rounds, which means I’ve got some competition:
Buddy, you’re in her DMs, while I’m actively helping her get through her chore list for Melkor’s evil deeds. We are not the same. Meanwhile, some watchful fans are pointing out that Orcitha, my dear princess of the night, was not actually the first of her kind on the big screen. There were others paving the way before her:
And then of course, there’s folks bringing out the lore bible, just to make sure we’re all on the same page about How Orcs Work:
Ultimately though, Orcitha and I both agree that there are better things to do than fixate on something as inconsequential as including and featuring female orcs. The world as you know it isn’t going to collapse if lady orcs are on the TV. Men aren’t going to collectively dissolve … it’s literally just going to be two minutes of a lady orc grunting onscreen, and then the show will go on, I guarantee you.
So, if you really want to enjoy your day, I suggest—regardless of what you think of my girl—you get off Twitter and go brush your orc girlfriend’s stringy, cobwebby hair, because god knows that girl needs some conditioner.
(Featured Image: Amazon)
