In a real-life version of Crank Yankers, podcaster John Melendez successfully posed as a U.S. senator and was able to talk to orange puppet-in-chief Donald Trump while he was on Air Force One. Melendez, best known by Howard Stern fans as “Stuttering John”, pulled the prank as part of his eponymous podcast. Melendez posed as democratic New Jersey senator Bob Menendez, and was quickly called back by Trump on Air Force One, who proceeded to have a conversation.
This lapse in security is a disturbing look at the sheer incompetence that defines the Trump administration. Son-in-law Jared Kushner allegedly approved the call, mere weeks after his security clearance was reinstated. While this is another in a seemingly neverending series of bone-headed moves by the administration, it’s given us a brilliant idea.
Can we effect policy change through prank calls? Obviously, the answer is no. What rational sitting president would ever allow himself to be duped so easily? But Trump, as we well know, is not rational. Maybe the only way to defeat him is to sink to his level of crass idiocy, to dumb it down so much that he finds himself agreeing to the policies we want. Maybe, in the words of 30 Rock‘s Jack Donaghy, we need to “go deeper into the crevasse” to find our way out.
Here are some ideas for prank calls we can make to Trojan horse some change into Trump’s policies:
- Pretend to be Hulk Hogan and talk Trump into shutting down Breitbart news, Gawker-style. “They’re not sticking up for you anymore, brother!”
- Do your best Sean Hannity impression and convince Trump that Fox viewers love immigrants now. Give him a fake callback number that connects him to an abandoned Popeye’s.
- Pretend to be the President of Mexico and agree to fund a border wall on the condition of the immediate reunification of separated families.
- Get your turtly Southern drawl on as Mitch McConnell and assure the president that there’s no rush to nominate a new Supreme Court justice. “It works just fine with eight, although we’ve got a heckuva fella named Merrick who might be a good fit.”
- Pose as Hexxus from the FernGully: The Last Rainforest in an effort to save the environment. Talk to Trump, as one malevolent pollution cloud to another, that the best way to stick it to Obama’s legacy is by going even further with conservation efforts. Or maybe just tell him Obama loves pollution and watch him switch gears.
- Just say you’re Putin and tell him to resign already or you’re leaking the pee tape.
Got any ideas for good Trump prank calls? Let us know in the comments!
(via Gizmodo, image: MANDEL NGAN/AFP/Getty Images)
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