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Trump Announces Space Force in Desperate Attempt to Distract You From Immigrant Children in Cages

On your marks, get set, SPACE FORCE!

ryan reynolds

In brightest day, in blackest night, no dumbass idea shall escape Trump’s sight. Amidst growing outrage over his inhumane immigration policies, Trump sought to change the conversation but announcing the launch of the newly formed sixth branch of the U.S. military: the Space Force.

In a meeting with meeting with the National Space Council today, Trump said, “We must have American dominance in space. Very importantly, I’m hereby directing the Department of Defense and Pentagon to immediately begin the process necessary to establish the Space Force as the sixth branch of the armed forces. That’s a big step.”

I would argue against having a Space Force, but that would mean I’ve lost the larger argument against common sense. But let’s give it a shot. Who is going to fund the Space Force? Our overly bloated defense budget? Those guys mining Unobtanium in Avatar? Or maybe Trump will just make other planets pay for it, like how he said Mexico would pay for the border wall. “We’re building a Space Force, and it’s gonna be tremendous, and we’re gonna make Uranus pay for it!”

Trump also added, “Russia and China are surpassing us in Space capabilities and we need to dedicate a separate force solely with a Space mission. The future of war will be fought in Space, and we must stay diligent and ahead of other countries for our own national security”. Will it though? WILL IT?

Don’t worry, it gets worse! Trump couldn’t let the announcement slip away without finding a way to make space racist (spacist?) by saying that the relationship between the Air Force and the Space Force will be “separate but equal.” Sound familiar? You may remember the phrase from U.S. history in the 1896 Supreme Court case Plessy v. Ferguson, or when the term was struck down as unconstitutional in with 1954’s Brown v. Board of Education. You have to hand it to Trump, he is never off brand. (The brand is racism.)

Not to mention that unwisely phrased separation is basically just a rebranding of things we’re already doing in order to draw some attention, because Trump is trying to pull the world’s most obvious Don Draper.

Whelp, best of luck, young cadets, on your entry into Space Force Corce to Corce. May the force be with you, never let evil escape your sight, live long and prosper, and take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape, etc.

(via CNN, image: DC Entertainment)

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Chelsea was born and raised in New Orleans, which explains her affinity for cheesy grits and Britney Spears. An pop culture journalist since 2012, her work has appeared on Autostraddle, AfterEllen, and more. Her beats include queer popular culture, film, television, republican clownery, and the unwavering belief that 'The Long Kiss Goodnight' is the greatest movie ever made. She currently resides in sunny Los Angeles, with her husband, 2 sons, and one poorly behaved rescue dog. She is a former roller derby girl and a black belt in Judo, so she is not to be trifled with. She loves the word “Jewess” and wishes more people used it to describe her.