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Things We Saw Today: Patrick Stewart Reads Some Excellent 1-Star Reviews About National Monuments

If the internet has loudly declared anything at all, it’s that we all love it when celebrities read ridiculous things for mass consumption. Here, Patrick Stewart reads some lovely 1-star reviews of famous monuments. He’ll lend some dignity and gravitas to your terrible Yelp review. (via Laughing Squid)

  • Witches all over the world are planning on casting a spell to bind Donald Trump to anyone who would try to help him tomorrow night. To join in, you need: “an unflattering picture of Trump, a Tower tarot card, a bit of an orange candle, a pin or small nail, small bowls of both water and salt, a feather, matches, and an ashtray.” Light as a feather, stiff as a board to the head. (via A.V. Club)
  • Speaking of magical things: AMC confirmed that American Gods would premiere on April 30th. They also shared an excellent promotional poster for you to check out. (via Polygon)

One of the best things about Bob’s Burgers are all the musical interludes that are peppered throughout the show. They’re all coming out in a big ol’ Bob’s Burgers music album for your listening convenience, and let me tell ya: it’s all good.

  • Netflix announced earlier this month that they’re developing a live-action series based on Castlevania, the classic video game. Today they released a promotional poster that’s about as spooky as you’d expect from something like this. (via Polygon)
  • Speaking of promotional materials, a full four-minute prologue for Alien: Covenant dropped on YouTube today, and if you’re at all interested in checking out the upcoming movie, you should take a look. It’s everything you’d expect from an Alien movie. (via Pajiba)

Woo. Lots of things. We’re glad you’re here to see them with us. What did you see today?

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Jessica Lachenal is a writer who doesn’t talk about herself a lot, so she isn’t quite sure how biographical info panels should work. But here we go anyway. She's the Weekend Editor for The Mary Sue, a Contributing Writer for The Bold Italic (thebolditalic.com), and a Staff Writer for Spinning Platters (spinningplatters.com). She's also been featured in Model View Culture and Frontiers LA magazine, and on Autostraddle. She hopes this has been as awkward for you as it has been for her.