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The Mary Sue Interview: A Trans Man on Representation, Visibility, and Aydian Dowling

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Recently there has been a lot of talk about Aydian Dowling. He’s in competition run by Men’s Health Magazine, where one of their readers could become their next cover model; someone who has leadership, has helped their community, and exemplifies the fitness goals of the magazine. Aydian has done all those, and then some. Currently he’s way ahead in the magazines public voting poll and it seems like he’s going to win easily. So why is this news outside of the fitness geek circle?

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Well, Aydian happens to be a transgender man, and could be the first trans man on the cover of Men’s Health. Traditionally, trans men are hidden better than a corporation’s offshore bank accounts. Most of the coverage on trans topics covers trans women, and yet trans men need support too. Trans men, according to a recent study, have a higher suicide rate than trans women. When I first read that I was astounded; but look at the lack of coverage and support that trans men receive.

I’m transgender myself, and I write on transgender topics frequently, but I didn’t feel secure enough as a trans woman to write about the experiences of trans men. So I contacted my friend and creative force Jules; he runs geekypleasures.com and is a trans man. What started as me clarifying some points turned into a full interview about what the media gets wrong about trans men in general, and specifically in the Aydian Dowling coverage.

Marcy Cook (TMS): What do you see as the typical trans male representation in the media?

Jules: There are two types of coverage, neither of which is healthy.

The first has to do with stories like Thomas Beatie and the “Pregnant Man.” Often, this leads to inappropriate discussions and questions about both top and bottom surgery; horrible judgement regarding the fact that many trans men not only choose to have children but also nurse those children; and probing into their personal lives, which reads more like tabloid news than educational.

The second has to do with stories like Chaz Bono. Most stories about Chaz are very positive, but even his own documentary Becoming Chaz and his book spend a lot of time focusing on surgery and this idea of “manhood.” Unlike stories about Janet Mock or Laverne Cox, where a lot of the conversation focuses around their accomplishments and “it’s not cool to talk ask about peoples’ genitals,” stories involving trans men almost always revolve around their bodies and not their accomplishments.

Marcy: Most of the articles about Aydain had shirtless photos of him up front. What did you think of this?

Jules: I don’t really mind them, even if, for me, they’re very triggering because I’ll never look that way. In fact, most trans men will never be read correctly. Being able to be read as cis, for both trans men and women, is a huge privilege that most will never enjoy. And, for the most part, the photos are appropriate, because he is being recognized because of his fitness level; however, the conversations surrounding those photos are not appropriate.

It’s very difficult to look at because that will never be me, even though I have a six-pack and buns of steel. I’m very fit, but my body is never going to be fit in a masculine sense, because I can’t have HRT, thanks to a history of stroke. And if it is triggering to me, it is most likely triggering to not only trans men, but trans boys who will face multiple barriers to trans healthcare; either because of lack of funds or because being born female-bodied means extra health barriers to care. Never mind the fact that surgeries for trans men are not on par with surgeries for trans women.

Marcy: So in the recent articles about Aydian, what in your opinion were the biggest problems?

Jules: The biggest problem has to do with the focus on hotness and body, and less to do with his accomplishments and the awareness he is hoping to raise. I’m rather skeptical that seeing shirtless photos of Aydian will make trans boys and teens feel good about being trans, like he hopes it will. What is important is that Aydian wants to do a lot of good with his raised status, and people are instead focusing on the fact he looks like a cis man with an incredibly fit body.

Trans men get sexualized in ways that most people probably never think about: we have to deal with constant sexualization and street harassment before we make our identities known, and fake our way through life as women; we have to deal with continuing sexualization and street harassment after we make our identities known because we are not read as men; we have to deal with homophobic slurs faced by the lesbian community when we our appearance is somewhere in between; and we have to deal with transphobic comments regardless of “passability” and threats like, “You just need to be fucked by a real man to make you feel like a woman.” Then, if we do get read as a cis man—which is extremely rare—we are further sexualised, like in the case of Aydian, or body shamed because a lot of trans men gain a lot of weight on HRT, are unable to grow facial hair if HRT is started after 25 years of age, and the list continues.

Recently, I was on a panel about invisible people in gaming and geek culture, and culture at large. One of the things brought up was that trans men, like bisexuals, are almost always invisible. A bisexual is seen with a same-sex partner and people think, “That person is gay.” A bisexual is seen with an opposite-sex partner and people think, “That person is straight.” People see me and call me “Ma’am.” People see Aydain and they will call him “Sir.” There is no middle.

Marcy: How do you think the media should be portraying trans men?

Jules: The media should be portraying trans men as reality: most of us cannot be read as men, and will never have that privilege. Sure, it’s great to highlight the accomplishments of people like Aydain; but while doing so, it should be noted somewhere in the article that the reality is that many of us will never have the privilege of dressing in masculine clothing and having people look at us and think, “that is a man,” or “that is a trans man,” instead of thinking “that is a tomboy/butch/woman sticking it to the patriarchy,” and having insults hurled at us for presenting in a masculine way.

Marcy: What topics should not be discussed when talking to trans men?

Jules: Surgery is an obvious one, especially because surgery does not equal transition. With Aydian, you can his scars from top surgery, so there is no need to discuss it. Even with the best binders, it can be quite obvious if someone has or has not had top surgery, so why ask about it? Why ask if they ever plan to get it? How often does the media ask cis women, “Do you plan to have chest surgery?” And what is in anybody’s pants is nobody’s business other than a potential sexual partner. Asking about surgery means not only avoiding asking what surgeries have already happened, but also not asking about future surgeries.

Also, asking about HRT should not be discussed. It further reinforces this really harmful idea that you must read as a cisgender person. Instead of focusing on attempting to look like a cis person, the focus should be on accomplishments, barriers, stigmas, transphobia, micro-aggressions; things that actually raise awareness about the issues trans men face in their every day lives.

Marcy: What reader comments do you never want to see again on an article about trans men?

Jules: Pretty much all of them. From the rape threats and death threats–which I face constantly, among threats to my family, DDoS attacks, brute-force attacks, and the list goes on—to the following comments that would get someone ripped a new one if they were left on an article about a woman’s accomplishments:

“DAYUM! 10/10”

“Would bang”

“Someone hand me a glass of water. I’ve never been so fucking thirsty in mah liiiffeeeee”

“This right here, how someone of the opposite gender can transition into who they really are on the inside so flawlessly shows that people are born in the wrong body sometimes.” (Because if your transition isn’t flawless, then you were in the “right body,” right?)

“He’s freaking hot!”

“Holy shit, that guy is hot. I’m sorry, that’s the most constructive comment I have.”

“*Blushes* *Coughs* He looks like an upstanding young gentleman. *Blushes again*”

“I want to roll my eyes at his hipster suspenders in the first pic, but he looks hot as hell in them.”

“Yeah that fur collar… Not that I mind an excuse to see the abs…”

And a reply to The Mary Sue on Twitter:

“Interesting..trans guys I’ve know were very short, vastly-bearded, with tiny hands & feet & voices like a pre-pubescant boy.” [sic]

The above are the mild comments, and each one made me feel extremely unsafe and gross. There is no way I’d ever venture into the comments on any of the articles because 99% of the comments focus on wanting to have sex with him, judging other trans men on their “passability,” saying he is not a real guy because “biology,” judging him on his attire, and body shaming.

Why would any trans man who most likely faced and continues to face those exact same comments from men ever want to engage in what should be a positive conversation about accomplishments and awareness when faced with them by women? Just rereading the comments fills me with extreme anxiety, triggers my dysphoria, causes me to feel unsafe in women’s and feminist spaces, and I could continue.

There is no escaping the body judgements we trans men face from the day we are born, and have societal ideas of “femininity” shoved down our throats. Before commenting on an article about trans men, perhaps people should ask themselves, “Would I make this comment if it was an article about a cis woman or a trans woman?” Most likely, you’ll come back with a big “NOPE!”

Next time you see an article about Aydain or any other trans men, maybe thank them for their efforts towards raising awareness, making the world a better place for trans people, and wishing them the best of luck.

Huge thanks to Jules for agreeing to answer questions on a personal topic. Of course, Jules doesn’t represent all trans men on the subject; no one can. All trans people are unique, and their opinions will differ accordingly.

Marcy (@marcyjcook) is an immigrant trans woman and writer. This includes Transcanuck.com, a website dedicated to informing and helping trans Canadians. She also has a nerd job, too many cats, is a part time volunteer sex educator and has an ongoing sordid love affair with Lego. Those last two are not related… probably.

—Please make note of The Mary Sue’s general comment policy.—

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Author
Sam Maggs
Sam Maggs is a writer and televisioner, currently hailing from the Kingdom of the North (Toronto). Her first book, THE FANGIRL'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY will be out soon from Quirk Books. Sam’s parents saw Star Wars: A New Hope 24 times when it first came out, so none of this is really her fault.

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