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The Five Worst Things About The Lego Movie

where does he get those wonderful toys

By this point you’ll already have heard about how good The Lego Movie is. If not, here’s my short review: It’s wonderful. It’s wonderful for everyone. Children. Adults. Aliens. Robots. Alien robots. If you need more elaboration, read one of the film’s positive reviews—that would be 95% of them—on Rotten Tomatoes. For comparison: Frozen is sitting pretty at 89%, and The Lego Movie directors Phil Lord and Chris Miller‘s previous (excellent) animated film, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, has an 87% rating.

So yeah, The Lego Movie is wonderful. But every movie, no matter how good, has its bad elements*. Here are The Lego Movie‘s.

*The exception to this rule is Clue.

(Note: There are no spoilers in this list. There may be some in the comments.)

1) “Everything Is Awesome” Will Lodge Itself In Your Brain And Slowly Drive You Insane With Its Infectious Earwormness

My friend and I saw The LEGO Movie on Saturday night. I lost count of the number of times in the subsequent 24 hours that we turned to each other to sing the opening lines of the movie’s signature song. I’m pretty sure I tried to sing it in my sleep. And involuntarily busting out an “Everything is awe-sommmme!” is great when you’re hanging out with friends or in your apartment by yourself. But what happens when I’m at a funeral? I won’t be able to help it. It’s too catchy.

2) Crying With 3D Glasses On Is a Pain in the Ass

As is crying with the double-decker eyesight combo: Normal glasses with 3D glasses perched on top. My fellow four eyes, you know what’s up. There is a point at which The Lego Movie will make you at least get misty. I don’t want to spoil it for you, but there’s a plot twist that you were not expecting.

3) Needed More Wonder Woman

This one is only quasi-satirical. This was Wonder Woman’s film debut, and she wasn’t really in it that much beyond what we saw in the trailers. The fact that Wondy’s debut is in a movie where she has a small role and doesn’t even really get to kick any ass is absolutely on WB and DC, not The Lego Movie. But still. I’d have liked a third female with a substantial role to be added to the ranks. Make the pirate a lady! Or swap out Morgan Freeman for Judi Dench!  That said, I absolutely love how the film’s writers didn’t fall into the trap of  making their female lead, Wyldstyle, a Manic Pixie Dream Minifig. It looked at one point like they might, but by the end of the movie she had her own agency and character development separate of helping main character Emmet realize his ~*~true heroic potential~*~ (which, in the end, was…ahhhhh, spoilers).

4) Nothing Will Ever Be as Good As The Batman Song

Every Batman movie from here until the end of time without Batman’s “Self-Portrait” brooding up its credits will be inferior. Man of Steel sequel, I am looking right at you.

5) You Will Fall In Love With Charlie Day’s Voice (If Pacific Rim Didn’t Do It Already)

You just will. Accept it. That “squeaky dog toy mixed with a bagful of rusty nails” (that’s Day describing it, by the way) will worm itself into your consciousness and prod at your brain until you’ve binged all nine seasons of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia in a matter of weeks, maybe even days. I’ve been down this road, and I know how it goes: With “Dayman” stuck in your head alongside “Everything Is Awesome.” SPACESHIP! SPACESHIP! SPACESHIP!

And a Bonus:

The Lego Movie is spelled “The Lego Movie,” but Lego, when you’re talking about the toy, is LEGO. All caps. That’s officially how it is. All I ask is a little editorial consistency!

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