GOP Tries to Smear Beto O'Rourke, Makes Him Seem Cooler | The Mary Sue
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Texas GOP Tries to Smear Beto O’Rourke on Twitter, Only Makes Him Seem Cooler

The punks vs. mimes showdown the world's been waiting for.

 

Beto O'Rourke

The Texas GOP is clearly sweating as Beto O’Rourke’s polling numbers inch ever closer to incumbent senator/dorky vampire Ted Cruz. Since it’s hard to attack O’Rourke on his policies (which include immigrant rights, comprehensive gun control and decriminalizing marijuana, to name a few), the GOP is now digging up dirt on O’Rourke’s past. In a tweet today, they made fun of O’Rourke’s past as a guitarist and bassist for hardcore punk band Foss.

In the photo, O’Rourke is wearing a dress and giving us smokey Ethan Hawke in Reality Bites realness. Congratulations Texas GOP, you’ve just enhanced everyone’s crush on Beto times infinity. And what exactly is the GOP arguing against here anyway? That Beto was a young man who loved music and had friends? That’s not how trolling works. It would be like me driving by my enemy’s house with a megaphone shouting “you have flawless bone structure and the wit of Carrie Fisher.” (Sidebar: if you do in fact have flawless bone structure and the wit of Carrie Fisher, call me).

The Texas GOP quickly saw their tweet having the opposite effect, and tried to course correct by (what else) smearing those darn libs.

It’s pretty bold of the GOP to come down on Beto so hard for his punk days, considering that Ted Cruz spent his youth as a mime.

But not just any old mime, dear readers. Ted Cruz was a biblical mime. A BIBLICAL MIME. Is that even a thing? I have so many questions. This is like a bad middle school production of The Warriors.

Every election is filled with tough choices, but not this one. The Mary Sue would like to formally endorse Punk Rock Beto over Bible Mime Ted Cruz. After all, we’ve all heard of Rock the Vote, but has anyone heard of Mime the Vote? I rest my case.

(via Huffington Post, image: Chris Covatta/Getty Images)

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Chelsea was born and raised in New Orleans, which explains her affinity for cheesy grits and Britney Spears. She currently lives in sunny Los Angeles, with her husband, son, and one poorly behaved rescue dog. She is a former roller derby girl and a black belt in Judo, so she is not to be trifled with. She loves the word “Jewess” and wishes more people used it to describe her.