The doll in Squid Game

Surprising No One, Three People Needed Medical Treatment on ‘Squid Game’ Reality Show Set

Shocker: Real life Squid Game is a bad idea.

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In fact, real life Squid Game is antithetical to the very THESIS of Squid Game: society itself is a rat race game with rules made by the elite, and we need to all collectively STOP RUNNING and rise up against them. Sounds a bit like a Communist revolution, right? Well, that seems to be the reality that Squid Game is hinting at with regards to the future of the show.

So it seems that a real-life game show would be off the table, right? Also considering that after the bloody, horrifying events of the ACTUAL Squid Game, one would think that NO ONE would want to sign up for it. We’re all too busy washing the collective bad taste out of our mouths after seeing average citizens die in droves.

People were shot. Then people were shot again. Then people fell to their deaths. Then more people were shot. More people fell to their deaths. Then people were stabbed. Then there was a brutal knock-down, drag out hand to hand combat fight. Meanwhile, OTHER people were getting merc’d OUTSIDE of the Squid Game itself. The whole Squid Game enterprise was LOUSY with death. No one could possibly be foolish enough to want a Squid Game in the real world right? And even if there was, no one would want to sign up, right? And even if people did, no one would want to WATCH people get injured or worse right?


Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

They made a Squid Game in the real world. People signed up. And people apparently wanna watch other people get hurt.

And people did get hurt. Oh yes siree bob they did.

How did this nonsense start?

Alright so Squid Game: The Challenge is in development right now, and it’s gonna be BIG. That’s no doubt the exact turn of phrase all the all the coked up TV execs used when they were unironically pitching the idea, and guess what? THEY WERE RIGHT. People in high places are throwing BOATLOADS of money at this thing. Squid Game: The Challenge will reportedly feature the largest cast ever on a game show, and similarly will feature the largest CASH PRIZE. How much? $4.56 million—exactly the value of the original SG’s cash prize in dollars. Netflix put out a global casting call for Season 1 of Squid Game: The Challenge, with the only caveat being that a potential player must be able to speak English to join. And did they find these people? Yes, they did—465 of them, in fact.

And of course they were going to. After all, Squid Game is Netflix’s BIGGEST series to date—1.65 billion hours watched in the 28 days after its release. 188,356 YEARS. Humans had just started developing stone tools and language 188,356 years ago and apparently we haven’t learned a goddamn thing since if the development of Squid Game: The Challenge is any indication.

Who got hurt and how?

Oh you wanna know the gory details, do you? Psh. You’re no better than the wealthy elite bastards from the show watching the REAL Squid Game while sipping their champagne and eating charcuterie off of naked ladies. But then again, neither am I, so I’m going to tell you.

Apparently the temperatures on set dropped below freezing. But don’t worry, y’all. Netflix released a statement saying, “We care deeply about the health and safety of our cast and crew, and invested in all the appropriate safety procedures. While it was very cold on set—and participants were prepared for that—any claims of serious injury are untrue.” Oh thank god! This corporate media giant that unironically greenlit a reality series based on a show about economic exploitation TOTALLY ISN’T exploiting anyone in pursuit of more profits. How do I know? Because they said so!

Nevertheless, three people on set that day underwent treatment for “mild medical conditions.” I’m not sure what this treatment involved, but I’m guessing that they were either given bandaids or taken out of sight and shot.

And you know? I wouldn’t be surprised. After all, the PROMO MATERIAL for Squid Game: The Challenge was an image featuring a slew of masked guards (you know, those guys that shot contestants, execution-style, for failing to cut cute little shapes out of panes of sugar in the show?) and the Red Light Green Light Doll (whose laser eyes were linked to a series of machine guns that mowed contestants down). And again, PEOPLE REALLY SIGNED UP FOR THIS.

Squid Game: The Challenge is beginning to look more and more like the fictional Squid Game every day. Life imitates art, after all. It’s just a shame that instead of imitating the anti-capitalist views of the source material, we’ve instead doubled down on them.

(featured image: Netflix)

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Jack Doyle
Jack Doyle (they/them) is actually nine choirs of biblically accurate angels crammed into one pair of $10 overalls. They have been writing articles for nerds on the internet for less than a year now. They really like anime. Like... REALLY like it. Like you know those annoying little kids that will only eat hotdogs and chicken fingers? They're like that... but with anime. It's starting to get sad.