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101 Steps Toward Becoming Socially Awkward, As Told By a Penguin

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1.

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Tell Yourself You Need Time Alone

2.

Hope It Was Done Alphabetically

3.

Wall Dance

4.

They Never Look

5.

Shirt Shame

6.

Leave The Window Open Just To Be Sure

7.

Everyone Notices

8.

How Slow Can This Get

9.

What Could It Be

10.

Speak English

11.

Pants Spill

12.

Pretend To Text

13.

Personally Responsible

14.

Do Not Attend By Default

15.

Oh God No

16.

Use Toilet Stall

17.

Cellphone Party

18.

Shame

19.

Pee Silent

20.

Awkwardly Paranoid

21.

A Pizza-Style Pizza

22.

And It's The Worst Porn

23.

Gift Panic

24.

It's Trying to Speak

25.

They Don't Work Here

26.

Jump

27.

Awkward And High Strung Great Combo

28.

Better Not Be Your Answer

29.

Sweat

30.

Ancient AIM Name

31.

Teacher Favor

32.

Who Are You

33.

Barber Silence

34.

Deer In Headlights In The Bathroom

35.

Play To Lose

36.

Whisper

37.

Wave Intercept

38.

Where Were You

39.

Why Are They So Far

40.

Turn Around

41.

Unzipped

42.

Your Door Is Horrible

43.

Voicemail Relief

44.

Do I Swing Them Or What

45.

Hit Pockets

46.

Awkward Bonus Conversation

47.

Sorry Chair

48.

Deception

49.

Non-Birthday

50.

Oh Sorry My Bad

51.

Wishful Thinking

52.

Laughter Like Swords

53.

Crotch-Smellingly Awkward

54.

It Wasn't Food

55.

Faux Text

56.

Empty Hallway

57.

Boyfriend Crushes Crush

58.

HA HA HA HA

59.

This Is Not Happening

60.

Birthday Surprise

61.

Fail At Not Staring

62.

But They Tag You Anyway

63.

It Must Be Carefully Planned

64.

It's The Only Polite Thing To Do

65.

Call Back At Midnight When No One Is There

66.

Pee Fail

67.

I'm Looking Through You

68.

You Have To Believe Me

69.

Pretend You Don't See Them

70.

Pencil Homph

71.

Chopstick Fear

72.

There Is No Plunger

73.

Conversation Fails

74.

Fingershake

75.

Make Them Up Anyway

76.

Inside-Inside Joke

77.

In Store

78.

How Did That Get There

79.

I'm A Pacer

80.

Insist It Was Still Funny

81.

Maintain Distance

82.

Ex Match

83.

Annexed Table

84.

Moved The Same Way

85.

Balances Out

86.

You're A Winner

87.

No I Meant Oh Wait

88.

Lie To Yourself

89.

Forgotten

90.

Tell Yourself It Was A Coincidence

91.

Totally Coincidental

92.

The Saddest Sport

93.

Thanks You Too

94.

Story Misfire

95.

Stand There Until The End Of Time

96.

Hold On

97.

It's The Thought That Counts

98.

Hugpanic

99.

Pray It's Coincidental

100.


101.

Meta But Still Awkward



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