Sinkhole Suddenly Consumes Land in Front of Mar-A-Lago, Subtlety
Not The Onion.
We’ve spent months in a dizzying hellscape of a reality with one question echoing in our minds: How could people not have seen through this man before the election? Well, the Universe apparently doesn’t get it either, and it’s now installed a giant gaping hellmouth in front of Trump’s Palm Beach, Florida resort, practically screaming, “THE SUBTLE APPROACH DIDN’T WORK, SO HOW’S THIS?” Of all the too-obvious-for-fiction events we’ve been seeing in the real world lately, this one is a strong competitor for most on-the-nose.
Yes, a 16-square-foot sinkhole really has suddenly opened up in front of Mar-A-Lago, according to a local traffic alert in the area: “A 4′ x 4′ sinkhole has formed on Southern Boulevard directly in front of Mar-a-Lago,” the traffic alert read. “It appears to be in the vicinity of the newly installed water main. West Palm Beach Utilities distribution crews have secured the area and will most likely need to do some exploratory excavation today.” I do so love the distinction that it’s “directly” in front, as if to say, “Don’t even think this could be a coincidence.”
In 500 years, when historians look back on this time period—after learning what “Florida” was before it was reclaimed by the sea thanks to Trump’s feelings on climate policy—they’ll wonder how we managed to ignore all the red flags. Maybe the glowing orb Trump placed his hands on yesterday was the “drain the swamp” button, but it got its signals crossed thanks to Trump’s attempts to rebrand Mar-A-Lago as the Winter White House and started draining the wrong swamp. Whatever the case, Twitter saw an opening and went for it:
Can we get a time stamp on this and the sinkhole opening at Mar-a-lago? pic.twitter.com/n57zX2Ino7
— Schooley (@Rschooley) May 22, 2017
“Give us a sign, God.”
[sinkhole appears in front of Mar-A-Lago]
“Hm, can’t be sure that’s anything.”https://t.co/oTrfQkYBxR
— Full Frontal (@FullFrontalSamB) May 22, 2017
Step 1. Glowing orb
Step 2. Sinkhole
Step 3. pic.twitter.com/Jf9QuL09Hm
— Jay (@theshamingofjay) May 22, 2017
Breaking: God sends really obvious sign https://t.co/rWFZtsJ2Ah
— Chloe Angyal (@ChloeAngyal) May 22, 2017
— John Maguire (@JohnMag99047565) May 22, 2017
— BikerBecca (@BikerBecca) May 22, 2017
So this happened last week, and now a “sinkhole” appeared outside Mar-a-Lago. What in the name of all that is good is this man summoning?! pic.twitter.com/FqiKZyLdU5
— Pete Mella (@themella) May 22, 2017
@townpalmbeach Is this an actual sinkhole or a metaphorical one?
— Gabriel Kinder (@gkinder) May 22, 2017
From beneath you, it devours: https://t.co/mOhziT1pZz
— ✨ Rachel Heine ✨ (@RachelHeine) May 22, 2017
— Aphra Behn (@Shaker_aphra) May 22, 2017
— Paul Kowalchuk (@Paul_Kowalchuk) May 22, 2017
One man’s sinkhole is another man’s escape hatch back to the Upsidedown. https://t.co/8yNqatxC1W
— Robb Badlam (@BuckyUnderbelly) May 22, 2017
(image: Rob Crandall / Shutterstock.com)
Want more stories like this? Become a subscriber and support the site!
—The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—
Have a tip we should know? email@example.com