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‘Sharknado’ Studio’s Answer to ‘Cocaine Bear’ Is Too Perfect

The titular Cocaine Bear of Cocaine Bear being a bear and doing some cocaine, in the woods, like a bear.

I think that Cocaine Bear (the lady bear) is perfect. I also think that the movie of the same name is perfect, but I love her most of all. But it seems as if the animals on drugs universe is growing. Sort of. Do you remember a time when Sharnado movies took over the world? I do, because I’m terrified of sharks, but it was a time in cinema history that had sharks flying through the air in a natural disaster.

Now, the creative team behind the franchise is looking to get into the drug/animal combo business. After the love for Cocaine Bear, film studio The Asylum is looking to bank on the love people have for animals on drugs just going on rampages and murdering people—get ready for Attack of the Meth Gator.

“Hold our bear…I mean, beer. Coming for your life this summer,” their tweet reads, along with emojis of a science experiment (meth, I’m presuming), an alligator, a cloud with snow (for cocaine), and a bear—all to make it clear that Meth Alligator IS our next answer to Cocaine Bear. And … it’s what we deserve.

And I need you to know that this is real. It’s not a joke; it’s not some bit—even though the studio is clearly having fun with some Florida-centric humor on Twitter, among other things.

It’s a real movie that has been in production for a while, and The Asylum is ready to keep our love of animals going on drug-fueled rampages alive. I’m just waiting for the day that it is Meth Gator vs. Cocaine Bear: Dawn of Justice or something, with them tag-teaming to make sure Cocaine Bear gets to marry Alden Ehrenreich. I feel like Meth Gator would also love Alden Ehrenreich, personally. Or maybe she’ll marry O’Shea Jackson Jr. and they can all have a double wedding together.

(Can you tell my favorite part of Cocaine Bear was the bear being in love with Alden Ehrenreich? Can you blame me?)

The point is that we’re on track for a lot of animals-on-drugs movies coming out, and honestly, I wouldn’t be mad about them, especially if they’re as goofy as Cocaine Bear ended up being.

It’s about the animals

Look, it’d be easy to discount movies about a bear doing cocaine, but that actually happened, and while the real bear died, our hero Cocaine Bear in the movie Cocaine Bear did not. So, we could keep on making these movies about animals doing drugs and then just going on their merry way, because I think it’s genuinely funny. Watching a bear just go through the woods eating a bunch of cocaine to the terror of everyone who crossed her path? Hilarious! Brilliant! And I think something like Meth Gator is exactly what the people at The Asylum would do and do well.

Who thought Sharknado would work? So, I trust that Attack of the Meth Gator is going to be the next step in the evolution of animals killing everyone because we dropped drugs somewhere, and it’s what we deserve—even if I think that Cocaine Bear vs. Meth Gator might be the greatest cross over in cinematic history.

(featured image: Universal Pictures)

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She/Her. A writer who loves all things movies, TV, and classic rock. Resident Spider-Man expert, official Leslie Knope, actually Yelena Belova. Wanda Maximoff has never done anything wrong in her life. Star Wars makes her very happy. New York writer with a passion for all things nerdy. Yes, she has a Pedro Pascal podcast. And also a Harrison Ford one.