Bloody beefy boy hive, assemble! Our months of chanting “I will avenge you, father. I will save you, mother. I will kill you, Fjölnir.” have finally conjured Robert Egger’s historical epic The Northman into theaters! The film stars Alexander Skarsgård as Amleth, the viking warrior who becomes hell bent on avenging the murder of his father after he witnesses his brutal death at the hands of his uncle Fjölnir. Leave it to Eggers to give us the brutal viking origin story of Shakespeare’s Hamlet. It’s violent, it’s gory, it’s psychedelic, and most importantly it has, spoiler alert, a naked sword fight. Truly it has something for everybody.
The climactic nude duel, in which Amleth finally faces off against his uncle, is not only very naked, but takes place inside a volcano. If you ever fantasized about Viggo’s naked fight in Eastern Promises mashed up with Anakin and Obi-Wan’s final lava lightsaber duel, then The Northman will make your dreams come true. Unfortunately, however, The Northman did use a bit of CGI during the naked fight scene, to um, well depict Amleth and Fjölnir’s bits. Bits on bits! Bits for bits! Bits on bits for bits!
In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Eggers shared that they used tactical CGI during the fight scene because safety thongs had to be worn by the actors (Skarsgård and Bang) to avoid anyone’s “bits [getting] chopped off.” Safety is important!
Eggers stated:
“We actually had to add things digitally because they were wearing thongs [instead of being naked] because no one wanted to get their bits chopped off. So, we actually had to add some CG genitals for certain shots so that they didn’t look too Ken doll-ish. You’ve got to make it look real, so I’m sure we did some full-body scans of Alex. They’re out there.”
– THR
However, the scene did have a lasting impact on Skarsgård and the production team, who told Stephen Colbert that the cast got some incredible wrap gifts. Nicole Kidman got a sword, Bjork got a trio of horses, Willem Dafoe got a longship, and he got a very bloody thong! The greatest gift of all.
I will say, my one complaint during that scene is that I wished the “bits” were out there more. Because the scene is lit so darkly and full of so much smoke, you honestly can’t even see the CGI genitals at all. Love that these naked men are out there clanging together their big steel phalli, hate that you can’t see their little dangly ones too. We got Nicole Kidman’s Queen Gudrún making the incestuous subtext full text by planting a big wet tongue kiss on her son, might as well go whole hog with that final duel, as it were. Give us a Hamlet that Freud would climb out of his grave for!
And if this blatant objectification of the masculine body was in anyway enticing for you, The Northman is currently in theaters and you should go see it.
(via: The Hollywood Reporter, image: Focus Features)
