As if the pandemic and mass deaths and murders and economic devastation and protests and social media fights and oh also MURDER HORNETS weren’t bad enough, 2020 has gifted us with yet another absurdly horrible bit of news: Monkeys in India snatched COVID-19 blood samples from a lab tech and escaped. Because what the world really needs right now is rampant plague monkeys!
To be clear, these were not lab monkeys or captive monkeys. These were wild monkeys hanging around the campus of a medical college in Lucknow, India. The tech was minding his business transporting the blood of four confirmed COVID-19 patients when the monkey attacked, took the blood samples, and fled into a tree. Once the furry little jerks had the high ground in a tree, they proceeded to chew on and throw the samples.
please take me with you, tiny monkeys https://t.co/55CjNUPsVQ
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) May 29, 2020
There are a lot of questions here that concern me. Can monkeys get or spread coronavirus? (We don’t know!) Was this the first salvo in the simian war against us (which we deserve to do)? But mainly … are monkeys the geese of India? This reads like a scene from Untilted Goose Game but, you know, with the animal stealing bloodborne pathogens and not a rake.
Plague Monkeys need to read the motherfuggin room
— Emily Andras (@emtothea) May 29, 2020
While we’ve spent most of the pandemic comparing things to Contagion, this new development has people comparing our situation to 28 Days Later, which is honestly a nice change. We all were wondering when the death monkeys would enter the chat, and now here we are.
Mysterious respiratory disease? Primates stealing the virus?
Bruh, this is literally the plot of Rise of the Planet of the Apes. https://t.co/TNYI4vHpjJ
— Ahmed Baba (@AhmedBaba_) May 29, 2020
Honestly, if our lives are turning into a movie, I wish it was … a better movie.
Steven Soderberg: *points at Stephen King* Did you do this?
Stephen King: No! Mike, you?
Michael Crichton: Wasn’t me.
*all three turn slowly to look at the camera* https://t.co/bKLJ0Agxog
— Alisha Grauso (@AlishaGrauso) May 29, 2020
Did anyone else have this on this on there bingo card? Are we honestly even surprised at this point that plague monkeys are just another thing we have to deal with amidst … all this?
June’s fighter has entered the ring pic.twitter.com/4dkoOJesG8
— the drake gatsby 🏠 (@DrakeGatsby) May 26, 2020
Sigh. Whatever. Bring on what’s next. Screaming eels? Fine. Aliens? We did that last month. Discovering Atlantis? Get in line. We live in the weirdest times and whatever comes … I’m sure there will be memes.
(via: CNN, image: Muhammad Mahdi Karim/Wikimedia Commons )
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