People Are Having Some Weird Feelings About the Apes in ‘Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes’

Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes hit theaters, and we’re all being really cool about the new apes we got to meet. Telling the story of the ape Noa (Owen Teague) and human Mae (Freya Allan) as they aim to take on Proximus Caesar (Kevin Durand), the movie is a fun time.

But now that it has been out for a minute, many of us have begun to share our more … seasoned takes on it. (Not me, I came out of that movie throwing caution to the wind.) By “seasoned takes,” I mean the unhinged thoughts we used to keep to the group chats.

When you break it down, it is a movie about apes who can talk and rule. So tell me why I instantly thought that Noa and Mae should maybe be a couple? The looks they gave each other! Noa helping her climb? All of it made me think that they should maybe kiss, and then the end of the movie had them both staring up at the stars! You cannot blame me for thinking this.

But also, there have been worse ships out there!

Then came the love for Raka. Raka (Peter Macon) is an orangutan who wants to keep the message of Caesar—the first ape to gain superior intelligence in the films’ universe—alive. He loves books, lives alone, and was mourning the death of the only other ape he lived with (who Proximus’ goons killed).

Which then, obviously, means that Raka was in love with his fallen partner.

Raka has become a fan favorite and, for the Planet of the Apes movies, the ape that people loved just when they thought they were out of the franchise.

BUT the oddest thing that we’re doing (I’m saying “we’re” because I don’t want to think I’m alone in this) is that we’re all … thirsting over Noa.

I’m not ashamed of thinking Noa is hot!

Okay look, Noa is hot. I don’t really know how else to explain it. It could be a number of reasons, but I do think it is just because the CGI is so good and managed to make Noa just … look like an ape version of Owen Teague.

It does not help that Teague and Durand have been going around walking like apes and doing the voices while they are on the press tour.

When you look at the history of weird things people have thought were attractive, this isn’t that out there. Noa was played by Owen Teague wearing the little CGI dots, so he is based on the face of a living, breathing man. Who among us hasn’t thought a cartoon was attractive?

But as I said as soon as I left the theater, this is the only thing I could think about.

All I am saying is that if Noa and Mae ended up together in a future movie, I would fully understand where she was coming from. They’re two beings who love stars and love fighting for their people!

I’m just happy that we are all just kind of unhinged when it comes to this movie. Because isn’t that what going to the cinema is all about? Leaving it and having a crush in a CGI ape?