Karen

Child Comes Home From Trick-Or-Treating With Penis Shaped Candy, Parent Is Concerned About It (And Its Blackness?)

URGENT ALERT!!!

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As your child presents their candy haul from Trick-or-Treating through the neighborhood, you notice that two of the treats are rather … phallic … and not in that “pillars on The Little Mermaid cover” kind of way, but a “fun sex party with supple breast cake” kind of way.

Such was the case for one parent according to, you’ve guessed it, Best of Nextdoor.

Now my personal headcanon says that the person passing out the dick pops had no intention of handing them out to tiny tots. I think they just ran out of candy and scrambled for something, accidentally tossing in some “how many licks does it take to get to the suggestive center” treats. I myself ran out of candy earlier than I thought I would on October 31st, so I ended up going in my regular candy stash (which is safe for work, in case you’re curious).

Still, the damage has been done, and this parent is distressed over their daughter coming home with some wink wink, nudge nudge, blow pops (one of which was black!!!)

Wait.

Why is that detail necessary to include?

Why are there so many exclamation points after the black part?

Damnit, this could’ve just been a regular ol’ Best of Nextdoor post where Twitter made a bunch of Halloween candy sex jokes or offered ways to offer the candy to kids without them knowing what it was that they were eating.

It could’ve even been a fun fact about the lengths people would take to examine the candy, as the parent mentions having it x-rayed for foreign objects.

But nope, now we all gotta go in on the BLACK part emphasized, in parenthesis, because this concerned parent really wanted us to know that one of these disco sticks was black.

I guess it could’ve been worse.

It could’ve been in Rancho Cucamonga.

Happy “make sure to grab the safe for work clearance candy while you can” Halloween!

(Image: Paramount Pictures)

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Author
Briana Lawrence
Briana (she/her - bisexual) is trying her best to cosplay as a responsible adult. Her writing tends to focus on the importance of representation, whether it’s through her multiple book series or the pieces she writes. After de-transforming from her magical girl state, she indulges in an ever-growing pile of manga, marathons too much anime, and dedicates an embarrassing amount of time to her Animal Crossing pumpkin patch (it's Halloween forever, deal with it Nook)