Overwatch’s Summer Games Skins Reviewed by Me, a Person Who Has Never Played Overwatch

The video game Overwatch, which I have never played but hear about every day from half of my friend group and most of Tumblr, has some brand new fun in the sun skins for their Summer Games event! Let’s take a look. I have no idea what’s happening.

According to PC Gamer, these visual overlays for the characters can be purchased “for the standard event skin prices (3000 gold for a legendary), while skins from last year’s event are unlocked for one third of that cost.” I don’t know if that’s a lot, but it sounds like a lot. 3000 gold? Might as well wear last year’s bathing suit, no? No? Anyway, here’s what we have:

It’s this guy! He goes by Reaper, which is chill and not at all terrifying. I’ve heard a lot about Reaper from a dear friend who writes fanfiction about him and his boyfriend Jack Morrison, who goes by Soldier 76, which is kind of generic. Reaper’s some sort of smoke monster? So like inside all that armor, newly brightened up for beach-going, he’s basically just made of pissed-off mist? Either way he’s making that deathly smoke look fabulous here. Even his Hellfire Shotguns are orange like a hot summer day!

This purple-haired badass, whom I have just learned is named Sombra, is looking effortlessly chic and ready for a strawberry margarita. Sombra is all over this season’s midriff-baring crop top trend, but the jacket knotted around her waist shows her practical side. Sombra is prepared for all seasons and anything that comes her way, whether it’s sharks in the water or men comprised of black mist. She also has a handy cooler full of margarita mix.

This dude answers to McCree and he is now my favorite because let’s be honest have you ever seen anyone so ready for the beach? Mr. McCree has a distinctive sunhat, a patterned towel slung over his shoulders, a handy belt that holds his drink across from his gun-holster, and he’s daringly matched his swim-trunks with his bionic arm. He’s also thinking ahead to Safety First and has a lifeguard’s whistle around his neck. I feel safer in the water just knowing McCree is around to shoot all manner of sea creatures.

I’m not sure what this Mercy lady did to piss off the Overwatch people but she does not look dressed for a summer fun party at all. Three-quarter inch sleeves? That drapey dress thing? Sandals that take an hour to to lace up your leg? It seems to me like Mercy won’t be hitting the waves anytime soon. Maybe because she has wings she’s not a big swimmer? But I was recently at the beach and watched the seagulls dive bomb into the water and paddle around all day so I’m not really convinced it’s about the wings/flying thing. At least she’s arriving with a tiki torch in hand for when the party really kicks into gear after dark.

Everyone seems really excited about this guy’s look, maybe because he seems to be rocking the daddest dad outfit to ever dad. He’s got a full apron with barbeque tools at the ready, an understated Hawaiian shirt, cargo shorts, and—wait, wait, you’ve gotta see the whole thing:

Yeah, that’s right! Soldier 76 is such a cool dad that he’s wearing sandals with socks. I bet this guy makes great BBQ. He is probably also good at the killing?

Anyway I hear he’s totally with that Reaper fellow but it must make it awkward when you grill up a whole feast and your boyfriend won’t touch any of it because his cells are constantly decaying and regenerating at an accelerated rate, rendering him into a sort of smoke that is crammed into human-shaped armor. Every relationship has its difficulties.

I admire the creative name choice of “Junkrat” but Junkrat, my guy, I’m not sure where you think you’re going, but you don’t exactly look beach-ready. I know they have beaches in Australia, so I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you that I think you just didn’t receive an invite and all of your friends are going to a luau without you. Maybe if you tone it down a little and lay off the Redbull they’ll call you next time.

Widowmaker is dressed for ultimate summer cool and is sporting some fashionable matching wedge sandals but oh, honey, let’s be real. I too am the palest person in existence and the beach is my mortal enemy. Seconds after Widowmaker posed for this photo, she ran screaming to the umbrella, where she’ll have to sit huddled beneath a caftan until the sun goes down. Thoughtfully, Sombra has left her margarita supplies under said umbrella so that Widowmaker can get another kind of toasted while she waits.

So how did I do? I think I’m ready to play Overwatch! These folks sure do look like they know how to have fun.

(via PCGamer, images: Blizzard Entertainment)

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