Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always wanted to be a pirate. I’ve seen the Pirates of the Caribbean movies countless times, played Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag to 100% completion, seen a ton of Our Flag Means Death, and gotten fairly salty in many a Sea of Thieves multiplayer session. As we’ve said before, pirates are just pretty cool.
So I was absolutely floored when I learned that you can actually get a Certificate in Piracy in real life, offered by none other than MIT, which is one of the most prestigious and no-nonsense schools in the country. According to the Physical Education & Wellness program at MIT, this Pirate Certificate was first made available back in 2011. Any MIT student can get this certificate by completing physical education & wellness requirements and courses.
Come on, this just isn’t fair. Everyone remembers gym class in high school, and some of us absolutely loathed it (me included). I would have enjoyed it a lot more if PE were pirate shenanigans. I don’t know how the logistics of assembling entire pirate training courses in underfunded public schools would work, but it needs to happen.
But hold up, because this whole thing gets even wilder. Apparently, MIT gave celebrity Matt Damon a pirate certificate during his 2016 commencement speech at the university (via MIT). Well, if Matt Damon gets to be an honorary pirate, why can’t the rest of us?! To acquire a certificate, you’ll simply need to complete courses in sailing, pistoling, fencing, and archery. Some would-be pirate grads even say there’s a secret oath involved, but that’s none of our business.
Of course, this certificate is mainly for entertainment, so you won’t be able to legally do pirate stuff like steal treasure and commandeer ships. As reported by Snopes, the certificate is made from a faux parchment material, and there’s even silly wording on it:
This document certifies that the below-mentioned salty dog has fulfilled the Physical Education General Institute Requirement by completing Archery, Fencing, Pistol and Sailing [and] therefore is no longer a lily-livered landlubber. And so, MIT Physical Education Confers upon [STUDENT’S NAME] The Pirate Certificate, with all its privileges and obligations. Given at the swashbucklin’ Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Ahoy, Avast and finally, Arrrrrr!
If any MIT student is reading this, just know that we are all secretly jealous of your swashbuckling privileges. For the rest of us lowly landlubbers, we’ll have to stick to Disney movies and video games.
(featured image: Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)
