David Harbour as Hopper in 'Stranger Things 3'

Oh No, I’m Attracted to David Harbour as Santa Claus in the ‘Violent Nights’ Poster

To hell with “all is calm.”

It doesn’t take much for me to be attracted to David Harbour. I love my Jim Hopper a lot, which means that this new poster of Harbour as Santa in Violent Night is upsetting me because I guess I’m attracted to Kris Kringle now? (And before anyone brings him up another recent Hot Santa, my father looked too much like Kurt Russell in The Christmas Chronicles, and so no, I was not attracted to that version of Santa.)

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When you think about it, it makes sense why David Harbour would be a good Santa. Part of our love of Jim Hopper on Stranger Things comes from his big beard, belly, and booming voice. So … I guess you could say that Hopper is the grumpy Santa of Hawkins. This movie, however, feels like the Harbour we know and love (a badass) mixed with Santa, and it sounds amazing.

The synopsis for the film is as follows: “When a team of mercenaries breaks into a wealthy family compound on Christmas Eve, taking everyone inside hostage, the team isn’t prepared for a surprise combatant: Santa Claus (David Harbour, Black Widow, Stranger Things series) is on the grounds, and he’s about to show why this Nick is no saint.”

The cast includes Harbour, John Leguizamo, Edi Patterson, Cam Gigandet, Alex Hassell, Alexis Louder, and Beverly D’Angelo and is directed by Tommy Wirkola with a screenplay by Sonic the Hedgehog writers Pat Casey and Josh Miller.

Santa kicks ass

Just imagine, if you will, being captured and taken hostage on Christmas and then having Santa be the one to save you? Like, who would believe you if you told that story to … well, anyone? “Hi Officer, yes so we were held against our will but in the true spirit of a Christmas miracle, Santa came and punched the guys out and that’s why there’s a bunch of blood in our living room!”

Really, we’re used to Christmas action movies. Think about how many dudes love screaming about how Die Hard counts as a Christmas movie. I do the same thing with Iron Man 3, and Home Alone isn’t exactly devoid of action, either. Having a movie where Santa is saving a family on Christmas and it doesn’t have to do with making sure everyone gets gifts? That’s kind of cool, actually.

We have plenty of films where the power of Christmas saves the day. Whether it is Santa making sure a kid gets to have the happiness they were longing for or bringing a family together for the day, Jolly Ol’ Saint Nicholas is always there to make sure it happens. So why wouldn’t that extend to him beating up people trying to kidnap a family?

Violent Night hits theaters at the perfect time, on December 2, 2022. Time to take my entire family to the movies this holiday season to watch David Harbour kick some ass as Santa and then have to find a way to once again explain to my mother that I am very attracted to David Harbour. To be fair, that’s a normal conversation my family has, and I have an ally in my sister-in-law, but that’s a story for another day.

(featured image: Universal Pictures)

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Rachel Leishman
Rachel Leishman (She/Her) is an Assistant Editor at the Mary Sue. She's been a writer professionally since 2016 but was always obsessed with movies and television and writing about them growing up. A lover of Spider-Man and Wanda Maximoff's biggest defender, she has interests in all things nerdy and a cat named Benjamin Wyatt the cat. If you want to talk classic rock music or all things Harrison Ford, she's your girl but her interests span far and wide. Yes, she knows she looks like Florence Pugh. She has multiple podcasts, normally has opinions on any bit of pop culture, and can tell you can actors entire filmography off the top of her head. Her current obsession is Glen Powell's dog, Brisket. Her work at the Mary Sue often includes Star Wars, Marvel, DC, movie reviews, and interviews.