North Korea: It’s Got What Plants Crave
According to – we’d like to point out that this bit of news is not from, say, some weird!news aggregator, but, in fact – the BBC, North Korea has developed a liquid panacea. A “super drink.” Made of “microelements.” Which makes you smarter, whitens your skin, and keeps you from looking old. It also has no side effects.
We wish we were making this up.
KCNA, the official state news agency, says:
It, with effects of both preventive and curative treatment, helps improve mental and retentive faculties by multiplying brain cells.
It also protects skin from wrinkles and black spots and prevents such geriatric diseases as cerebral haemorrhage, myocardium and brain infarction by removing acid effete matters in time.
It, much higher than quality cosmetics in anti-oxidation capacity, is efficacious for different skin diseases, including allergic dermatitis. It also makes skin fair.
The drink has no side-effect.
The drink was developed by the Moranbong Carbonated Fruit Juice Joint Venture Company, or MCFJJVC. Maybe it works better in Korean.
In the DC series 52, a bunch of earth’s resident “mad” scientists decide to all go live on an island together and do science their way. (This occasionally involves kidnapping other scientists of higher moral standing who they really want to work with. Sure, they ended up creating robot versions of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse but it’s not like the world actually ended, I mean come on.
Now, Oolong Island is a sovereign nation, and this is all a round about way of saying:
Making a health drink that slows the aging process, achieving nuclear fusion on its founder’s birthday… Is North Korea Oolong Island, or is North Korea Oolong Island? Sheesh.
A relevant video about nutrition.
Note: Yes, we know that the title slogan is from Brawndo and the title image is from Powerthirst; we like them both, okay?