Spoilers for Love Is Blind season two up to episode nine
I spent my weekend getting caught up on the second season of “Love Is a Whole Lot of Red Flags, I Guess,” better known as Love Is Blind, the Netflix dating reality series that has couples get engaged in ten days, sight unseen. The first five episodes focused on the couples getting together and setting off on a romantic getaway in Mexico with the following four bringing everyone back to the, quote, “real world.”
The “real world” portion is, typically, the part where you grab a bowl of popcorn and watch the chaos unfold. This is because the couples not only live together, but they have to introduce their soon-to-be-spouse (maybe???) to their families and friends.
The framing of reality putting a strain on these relationships is hilarious to me, because of course your mama’s gonna ask why the hell you’re getting married to someone you got engaged to after ten days (or less) and why the wedding is, like, tomorrow. That being said, it’s not so much the doubt from loved ones that makes these relationships rocky. If anything, a lot of these families are pretty chill about it – save for one or two exceptions.
No, the reason why it feels like no one is getting married after Nick and Vanessa Lachey’s “experiment” is because these couples are a disaster all on their own.
Couple: Nick & Danielle
Current status: Literally standing at the altar
Why they won’t work: Danielle is going to sabotage her own happiness. She may have said yes at the altar but she is so insecure about Nick that if he breathes through his nose instead of his mouth she’ll turn it into an argument where she accuses him of not being all in. I get having insecurities, but every single time they have a moment together she manages to twist it into something negative.
How do you ruin a cake tasting, girl?!
If these two are in a room together, you can best believe that Danielle is going to remind Nick about how her insecurities make her lose faith in him. And if he tries to defend himself and point out how she’s spinning out of control (something she admits to doing), she’ll triple down and make things worse.
Just leave the corn on the cob costume behind and go, Nick.
Couple: Abhishek “Shake” & Deepti
Current status: Presumably headed to the altar
Why they won’t work: Lord I swear if I hear Shake compare this goddess of a woman to his aunt ONE MORE TIME.
Deeps deserves better than Shake. There’s no other way to say it. She’s done everything right and continues to do everything right as he tells everyone within earshot that he isn’t feeling the “animalistic urge” to grab her booty anymore.
Even Shake’s own mother called him out for not giving Deepti 100% and how, if he couldn’t, he didn’t deserve her.
I don’t have much else to say except, “This boy better listen to his mama.”
Couple: Kyle & Shaina
Current status: Separated, thank God (or not if you don’t believe in God – which is totally fine!)
Why they didn’t work: There are red flags, and there are blaring sirens that tell you to run the fuck away. Those sirens have been going off for numerous episodes, but we finally got to the part where these two broke up.
I hate that it was Shaina that had to do it, though, because this tells me that Kyle was going to willingly waltz into this extremely toxic environment. Shaina herself is a whole ass mess, claiming that she can’t be with Kyle for religious reasons which, sure, might be part of it, but she’s also trying to get with Shayne. She even goes so far as to try and sabotage Shayne and Natalie’s relationship (though she tries to make it sound like that wasn’t the case, because what kind of good Christian woman would do such a thing?)
Not to mention the most uncomfortable family interaction that should, immediately, send a potential love interest running in the opposite direction… unless they like dirt bikes and… being American?
Y I K E S.
Couple: Shayne & Natalie
Current status: According to the preview, they had a big fight?
Why they… might(???) work? Maybe not: To my surprise, this is the couple that I think has the best chance at making it? Which, just… huh?! Because I did not like Shayne AT ALL at first, but he keeps having moments that… kinda make me like him? A little?
And like, he and Natalie genuinely have some pretty cute moments. I feel like she balances out his obvious need for attention by NOT giving it to him right away and cracking jokes the way he does. It threw him off at first, but part of me feels like they’re getting… better?
Sometimes?
And other times I’m just rolling my eyes over Shayne’s frat boy ways, so… I dunno, this is one that could go either way, I think.
Couple: Salvador & Mallory
Current status: Presumably headed to the altar
Why they won’t work: Honestly? Because I think Mal keeps looking for problems that aren’t there, which is ironic since she was the one flirting with Jarrette in Mexico and the one who, at first, was saying she didn’t feel the chemistry with Sal after they met in person.
This feels like a relationship where someone (Sal) keeps trying to put a band-aid on a growing issue (the band-aid, in this case, would be all the times he sings to her). There are moments where Mal is upset about things that are out of Sal’s control, like when Sal’s ex went to his sister’s house.
WHY are you mad at HIM for an ex-girlfriend’s actions?
I just feel like Sal is constantly trying to prove himself to Mal over things that either aren’t his fault (his ex) or are HER fault (him feeling upset because she was, you know, flirting with Jarrette in Mexico). Honestly? They might actually get married, but it’s kinda obvious that it’s up to Mal if they do as Sal is so set on this despite her unwarranted misgivings.
Couple: Jarrette & Iyanna
Current status: Presumably headed to the altar
Why they won’t work: Because Jarrette does things that just make me feel like he’s going to hurt Iyanna in ways she doesn’t deserve – and I think she feels it, too, hence her hesitation. It’s not just the part about her being his second choice (though that is lousy), but his comments to Mallory when they were in Mexico make me feel some kind of way.
He told Sal he was joking around, but that’s not something to joke about.
He keeps saying he’ll do better to prove himself to Iyanna, but as she says, he has to SHOW it.
Also, as a Black woman, the biggest red flag EVER was the part where he said he loved Iyanna for her resilience. Like. Don’t just love us for our strength, especially when, after Iyanna opened up about her life, you WENT AND PROPOSED TO MALLORY.
Much like Deepti, I think Iyanna can do so much better.
Please, Iyanna and Deepti, leave the show together instead.
(Image: Netflix)
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