Donald Trump pouts with his arms crossed, sitting at his desk.

Let’s Revel in This Perfect Storm of Bad Legal News for Donald Trump

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Apparently, this Tuesday is secretly a Friday, based on the absolutely gobsmacking news coming out of the legal troubles of Donald Trump’s cronies—or ex-cronies, in at least one of their cases, after the incredibly damaging information he just dropped.

Today, not only was former Trump campaign chair Paul Manafort found guilty on 8 counts in his fraud trial, with a mistrial on 10 more—which prosecutors have until the 29th to decide what to do about—but longtime Donald Trump “lawyer” (read: fixer) Michael Cohen also pleaded guilty, also on 8 counts, importantly including campaign finance violations related to payments to Trump’s mistresses. But wait! It gets worse for Donald Trump. Cohen said that he was directed by a candidate who he didn’t name, probably because we all already know who he was talking about.

Maybe he’s afraid he could inadvertently summon Trump by saying his name too much?

He also threw in some language about it being a coordinated effort to influence the election for good measure, just to drive the point home. Yes, the president’s former lawyer just implicated him in a crime—not even the crime in which we’ve all been watching him publicly implicate himself for about two years.

Worse still, as this news breaks, and as I write this, Donald Trump is en route to one of the rallies that he loves so much in West Virginia tonight, and we sincerely cannot wait to see all of his ill-advised reactions to this news. Let the reveling begin!

Well, for most of us, anyway,

Now, the question is what will Trump do about it—besides loudly say lots of things that are incorrect and he barely understands? Will he pardon Paul Manafort? I bet that would play really well for Republicans in the midterm elections! Someone tell him that’s a very smart and fair thing to do for Paul Manafort, a real stand-up guy.

He’s already complaining, in a perfect demonstration of his organized crime way of thinking, that it’s very unfair for Manafort to be found guilty of crimes he committed, because those crimes weren’t the ones they were supposed to be looking for, and that’s cheating!

Oh, and uh … there’s also this:

(Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images)

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Dan Van Winkle
Dan Van Winkle (he) is an editor and manager who has been working in digital media since 2013, first at now-defunct Geekosystem (RIP), and then at The Mary Sue starting in 2014, specializing in gaming, science, and technology. Outside of his professional experience, he has been active in video game modding and development as a hobby for many years. He lives in North Carolina with Lisa Brown (his wife) and Liz Lemon (their dog), both of whom are the best, and you will regret challenging him at Smash Bros.