John Oliver Puts Together the World’s Most Repelling Sounds so You’ll Stop Watching HBO and Research State Attorneys General
On yesterday’s Last Week Tonight, the main story concerned State Attorneys General. If that sounds slightly off grammatically, host John Oliver is quick to point out that is, indeed, the correct plural form and if you already knew that, he’s “sorry high school was such a rough time for you. Believe me, I know.” Oliver begins by recognizing that many people don’t know much about State Attorneys General, but notes that it’s “worth the effort to learn about them” this year in particular—races are usually competitive with 2-3 times more being spent.
The host goes through some of the more colorful candidates, like Curtis Hill of Tennessee who spends his nights dressed as Elvis and Michigan candidate Dana Nessel, whose “Who can you trust to not show you their penis?” ad went viral earlier this year. There’s also the more heinous ones, like Ken Paxton who steals pens and sued the Obama administration to fight extensions meant to protect transgender kids in schools. After a clip of Paxton plays, Oliver says, “What the fuck are you talking about? Obvious bigotry aside, transgender people don’t just switch identity for convenience. They are human beings, not reed frogs. That’s right, reed frogs—should the need arise—can spontaneously change from female to male. I just hit you with an unexpected frog fact in the middle of talking about state attorneys general.”
Oliver goes through some of the things accomplished by State AG—the killing of Joe Camel, the Pennsylvania report about sexual abuse by priests, and more—before discussing the increasingly partisan efforts by separate Republican and Democrat committees. They’re called RAGA and DAGA, respectively, which the host points out gives off a real “twins from Dutch folklore that teach children about right and wrong” vibe.
The host explains how corporations and special interests groups often attend events organized by these committees. RAGA, in particular, have hosted events where KOCH Industries, big tobacco, and the NRA are in attendance. They firmly deny that there is any quid pro quo going on though, says Oliver, “so I guess those groups simply donated substantial amounts of money because they wanted to chillax to the max at a resort casual clambake with North Dakota Attorney General Wayne Stenehjem.”
The main takeaway on this segment is Oliver insisting that voters consider the AG race before November 6th, as the box is so often left empty. “Please, before November 6th just think about your AG race,” pleads Oliver. “You can do it. You have 9 days left. And I know that we’ve all been asked to think about a lot this year, from supreme court nominations, to gun control, to the energy of Pete Davidson’s penis: It’s been a lot and now I am adding ‘research your state AG race’ to your list, but it is honestly worth it. Also, if you do it you’ll be amazed at the kind of tidbits that you might find.” They are fascinating tidbits: bad karaoke, special coins, and Michigan’s Bill Schuette creepily hitting on a woman.
It’s hard to make times for things, Last Week Tonight knows, so Oliver pauses at 11:28PM to give you two minutes to go to vote411.org and do your research! To really get you off HBO, he even brings in a bagpipe to play Leslie Rutledge’s favorite song—the repulsive noise should be plenty to discourage you from watching further. Still watching? “Turn this show off now and research your AG. And if you haven’t already been repelled into action, I’ll happily add an accordion into the mix,” says Oliver. “Oh yes, the sweet sweet sound of a bagpipe/accordion duet. Two sounds that go together like pop-tarts and fish.”
Still watching? The host continues, “Don’t fucking push me on this. You think I won’t add a theremin to this sound? Think again motherfuckers! Don’t try me! You shouldn’t be watching this show anymore.”
You’re still watching? Oliver has another trick up his sleeve: “Six children playing the recorder. How are you somehow the worst ingredients in all of this?
Do you still have two minutes? Head to vote411.org.
Want more stories like this? Become a subscriber and support the site!
—The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—
Have a tip we should know? firstname.lastname@example.org