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Don’t Forget, Bad Elf Jeff Sessions Is Testifying Today About Russia and Comey


Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, a man deemed so racist that Martin Luther King Jr.’s widow protested his nomination to a federal judgeship, is now Donald Trump’s Attorney General and today, he is in hot water. I hope he boils in it.

Sessions will be testifying under oath before the Senate Intelligence Committee, the same body that questioned fired FBI Director James Comey last week. While there’s sure to be some softball questions from Republicans, and if John McCain is there who knows what he’ll say, Sessions has a lot to answer for.

The biggest issues at play are Sessions’ meetings with Russian officials, which he did not disclose at his confirmation hearings (if they were no big deal, why not just fess up?) After the meetings came to light, Sessions recused himself from involvement in any of the myriad Trump/Russia investigations, ignoring calls to resign. Recusal was a half-measure for sure—especially because Sessions appears to have been involved in the firing of James Comey, who was … wait for it … overseeing the FBI’s Trump/Russia investigation. Since he had recused himself, Sessions should have had no part in Comey’s dismissal, and the Committee will be aiming to get a clear picture of just what went on here.

We likely won’t get many straight answers from Sessions—and because he’s lied under oath at Senate hearings before, what’s some more lies, if it’ll save his skin and pointy ears, which make him resemble a magical woodland creature turned to the dark side? As The Guardian points out, “At his confirmation hearing, Sessions volunteered that he had never met with Russian officials during the presidential campaign. He was later allowed to amend the record after press reports that he had met the Russian ambassador, Sergey Kislyak, twice. In the past week, there have been reports of a third meeting.”

Don’t we all wish we could just “amend” the record every time we neglected to mention that we met with the Russian ambassador, whom U.S. intelligence officials believe is a top spy and spy handler? I mean, who amongst us hasn’t met with Sergey Kislyak?

If you want to watch Jeff Sessions squirming in the hot seat, you can watch live stream of his testimony at 2:30pm ET here. Expect him to try and invoke executive privilege to cover his conversations with Trump about Comey and try to cover his misdeeds. Expect evil cackling. Take a shot every time someone says “Sergey Kislyak.”

Meanwhile, in his capacity as Attorney General when not lying or recusing himself, Jeff Sessions is going after medical marijuana providers and users, because Jeff Sessions is a horrible person with horrific priorities. I would like for him to return to the forest and stay there, or at least complete his transformation into full orc so that the world can see his truth.


(via The Guardian, image: Shutterstock)

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Kaila Hale-Stern (she/her) is a content director, editor, and writer who has been working in digital media for more than fifteen years. She started at TMS in 2016. She loves to write about TV—especially science fiction, fantasy, and mystery shows—and movies, with an emphasis on Marvel. Talk to her about fandom, queer representation, and Captain Kirk. Kaila has written for io9, Gizmodo, New York Magazine, The Awl, Wired, Cosmopolitan, and once published a Harlequin novel you'll never find.