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Your Moment of Zen: 300 Jedi Demolishing 60,000 Footmen, Set to Johann Strauss II’s Blue Danube Waltz

Got half an hour to kill? Yeah, of course you do. It’s fine. Tell your parent/professor/manager/boss/whoever that you’re doing a science. It’s fine, I’ll wait.

Cool, okay, you’re back? Awesome. So thanks to this (frankly weird) “game” on Steam called Ultimate Epic Battle Simulator, one person found out that yes, 300 Jedi would absolutely demolish 60,000 medieval soldiers. Weird, right? I mean, you can check out the video for yourself right here.

So, yeah. The “Laser Knights” outpower the massive medieval army, and it’s downright comedic to see. Of course, while watching this, I have to ask: where’s the data here? I imagine the Jedi’s health points are set so high as to reflect their training and Force-sensitivity and such. As well, their lightsabers would utterly demolish any defense the medieval knights can possibly put up. But I’d think with the sheer numbers, they might be able to overwhelm 300 Jedi … or perhaps not. It’s telling that they have all the soldiers kind of attack in a line, as opposed to having them try to envelop or something. And of course, this is a straight up fight on (sandy) flat ground. Things might be different if one side had a tactical advantage with regards to terrain, but oh well.

And yes, of course, this is just a simulator with data points plotted by human hands. It’s obviously not meant to be a scientific breakdown of how this would all go down, but still. Questions, man. I’ve got ’em.

Now if you’ll need me, I’m just going to go ahead and watch this sloppily mashed-up version of the video above playing alongside Johann Strauss II’s “Blue Danube Waltz.” This is it: your moment of zen.

Have a good day today, okay?

(via io9, image: screengrab)

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Jessica Lachenal is a writer who doesn’t talk about herself a lot, so she isn’t quite sure how biographical info panels should work. But here we go anyway. She's the Weekend Editor for The Mary Sue, a Contributing Writer for The Bold Italic (, and a Staff Writer for Spinning Platters ( She's also been featured in Model View Culture and Frontiers LA magazine, and on Autostraddle. She hopes this has been as awkward for you as it has been for her.