Goop’s vagina candle exploded in a woman’s home, and while scary, it is truly comedic poetry. Think about it. You’re sitting there, minding your business, lighting a vagina-scented candle, and BAM! explosions. Seems like something out of an Amy Poehler movie.
The exploding vagina candle in question wasn’t even purchased from Goop herself. It was won in a quiz, which makes this story all the much better. According to The Sun, Jody Thompson had the candle in her living room when it exploded into flames. In retrospect, it’s hilarious, but having a vagina candle explode on you can’t be fun. Actually, I am pretty sure I’d just watch my home burn to the ground from laughing because a VAGINA CANDLE EXPLODED.
“I’ve never seen anything like it. The whole thing was ablaze and it was too hot to touch. There was an inferno in the room,” Thompson said, and told The Sun that she and her partner David Snow threw the exploding candle out the window. So I just like to imagine you’re walking down the street and see a burning Goop candle flying through the wind.
Now, not to defend Goop, BUT most of this is all a marketing ploy. (Not the explosion, that’s real. But the name.) From “This Candle Smells Like My Vagina” to “This Candle Smells Like My Prenup” and “This Candle Smells Like My Orgasm,” they’re just all creative names for a wide range of scents—not actually meant to literally smell like the thing they say.
The description for “This Candle Smells Like My Vagina” is proof that they’re just having some fun with labels:
With a funny, gorgeous, sexy, and beautifully unexpected scent, this candle is made with geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed to put us in mind of fantasy, seduction, and a sophisticated warmth.
What I think is funny is the ALL CAPS warning label on the site below the $75 dollar candle:
WARNING: BURN CANDLE WITHIN SIGHT. KEEP AWAY FROM THINGS THAT CATCH FIRE. KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN AND PETS. TRIM WICK TO 1/8” BEFORE EVERY LIGHTING. PLACE ON A STABLE, HEAT RESISTANT SURFACE. KEEP WAX POOL FREE OF DEBRIS. DO NOT BURN FOR MORE THAN TWO HOURS AT A TIME. ALLOW GLASS TO COOL COMPLETELY BEFORE HANDLING.
Is this terrifying? Yes, absolutely. I already feared leaving a candle burning and now I have to worry about it EXPLODING (not Goop’s just like … candles in general) but you have to admit that this is truly peak comedy.
This settles it. I’m getting the Gwyneth Paltrow Anus candle instead.
— Human Tilapia (@HumanTilapia) January 18, 2021
that pussy be poppin !! https://t.co/8pjh7QxOEv
— madeline (@madeline_kel4) January 19, 2021
2020 has me so jaded I didn’t even flinch at this headline. It’s the most normal thing I’ve ever read. https://t.co/eZkMCO25mx
— Secular Talk (@KyleKulinski) January 19, 2021
If u buyin vagina candles don’t worry bout what’s in the vaccine https://t.co/ydBRZC2Ymv
— IGZ (@igzrap) January 18, 2021
hope they called the emergency cervixes https://t.co/XLJhVUOGEM
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) January 18, 2021
WHAT WERE GWYNETH PALTROW’S WHEREABOUTS ON JANUARY 6th??? https://t.co/ZSNIDI5VLi
— Kathy Griffin (@kathygriffin) January 18, 2021
You aren’t supposed to put your dick in it. https://t.co/3P27z1vsyq
— Speech God️ (@CountDankulaTV) January 18, 2021
“unintended discharge” https://t.co/wkWUaLANWT
— Biden’sH️iryLeg (@BernieToVest) January 18, 2021
We had better check the insurrectionists for vagina candles now. https://t.co/49tdsPSYOp
— George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) January 18, 2021
everything i learn about this woman is against my will https://t.co/mCDKyF4pRn
— . (@madeofsilk) January 18, 2021
Is it bad that I … kind of want one of these candles now?
(image: Jesse Grant/Getty Images for Disney)
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