Georgia woman gets married, but says she and her husband are living in separate homes: ‘Never had a man spend a night’
The decision was to help everyone transition to their new normal.
Combining two households isn’t always smooth sailing, as problems can arise between a stepparent and a stepchild. For one newly married woman, however, she devised a rather unconventional method to allow her daughters to slowly adjust from an all-female household to one that included her new husband by temporarily living in separate homes.
Rae (@fashionablenerd) gave viewers a glimpse into her new life following her marriage in a TikTok video that has since garnered hundreds of thousands of views. According to Rae, her marriage, which she described as non-traditional, came as a surprise to both her and her husband. While newlyweds typically move in together after marriage, Rae said she and her husband chose to live separately for the first few months to allow her family time to adjust.
Prior to her marriage, Rae lived in a multigenerational household with her mother and her two daughters, aged 15 and 18, in a house they had purchased many years ago. Because of how unexpected her marriage was, she felt that both her immediate family and her new husband had to go through a transition period to make the new changes as comfortable as possible for everyone involved, considering her daughters grew up in an all-female household.
Rae says living separately while married is going well
“My daughters don’t know anything about living with a man. They know about living with their mama and their nana,” Rae said. “I never had a man spend a night at my house. So my children don’t know anything about that.”
Rae’s main concern was maintaining her home as a safe space for her daughters, and immediately moving her husband into their home might be counterproductive. “I was not willing to move my husband in full-time without a transition period, and my husband wasn’t willing to do it either,” Rae told viewers.
As a result, Rae’s husband continued to live in his own home that’s located in another city, but goes to stay at Rae’s place on days when he doesn’t have to work. This arrangement, which is expected to last for a few months, has so far gone “very well” in the two weeks she has been married to her beau.
According to Rae, her mother loved it whenever her son-in-law came to stay at their home, while her daughter joked about feeling her femininity return for not having to take out the trash anymore. So far, her mother and daughters have had nothing but praise for her husband, noting that household tasks they were used to doing are now being handled by him.
Seeing the success of Rae’s decision and how she focused on her mother and daughters’ comfort earned praise from the public. “Finally a mother and woman with some d*** sense. This makes so much sense,” one commenter wrote. “grown folk making grown folk decisions for thier relationship thats dope …much respect to you guys,” another added. A third chimed in, saying, “I love how you protected your girls, this is proof that having patience truly matters.”
Experts say communication is important for blended families
While the majority of the commenters reacted positively to Rae’s video, some questioned the necessity of the marriage at all. “why get married? thats too much money split,” a commenter said. Some even questioned how long Rae knew her husband: “How long have you known him in total?”
Others, on the other hand, gave their opinions on what being married should look like. “You should live with him in his house, leave your house to your mom and kids. Don’t keep footing the bills,” a commenter said. One was more straightforward: “Long story short he stay but can’t stay. please them kids d*** near grown he already come on off days and go home on work days lol wats the difference they need to get with the program.”
HelpGuide.org, however, advises parents to be proactive in helping children gradually adjust to becoming part of a blended family at their own pace. A parent’s new marriage can leave existing children feeling frustrated and unsettled, which often leads to continued difficulties in adapting to the new family dynamic if not properly discussed and planned beforehand.
Good communication is also important, as gaining trust and establishing boundaries between the stepparent and stepchild are crucial for a successful blending. It’s important for children to slowly get to know their new parent, while also setting aside time for the two parties to “experience real life” together to see how they fare in daily situations. However, such acts shouldn’t be forced upon them, as it could lead to resentment and resistance.
Based on what experts have said, Rae’s method of slowly letting both her mother and daughters become accustomed to having a new family member is a healthy approach. However, the praise shouldn’t end with Rae, as her husband’s willingness to temporarily live apart from his new wife to help his stepdaughters feel comfortable is equally commendable—and hopefully, this won’t be the last case of a stepparent going out of their way to support a stepchild.
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