Halloween is just around the corner, bringing with it so many spooky questions. Should I wear my polyester Pikachu onesie when it’s a balmy 85 degrees in October? Is it safe to share a handle of Tito’s with seven unvaccinated Ted Lassos? And finally, will anyone appreciate my “sexy” Joe Manchin costume at the Halloween party? JK, sexy Manchin isn’t going to a party. He’s just going to lie down in front of the entrance and keep people from enjoying ANYTHING.
Our second pandemic Halloween naturally doesn’t inspire much excitement. But it did inspire the crack team at Yandy, the world’s foremost purveyor of horny Halloween costumes. Let’s take a look at the story of 2021 as told via latex and wigs (not included).
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Sexy "Oh No The Pandemic Is Still Happening, Isn't It?"
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Sexy Netflix Binge-Watch
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Sexy Remember The '90s?
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Sexy FOR THE MENZ
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Sexy "Fuck It, I'm Wearing a Poncho"
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Sexy Romy and Michele's High School Reunion
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Despite the proliferation of free and available vaccines, the COVID-19 pandemic is still very much a thing. But Yandy is here to meet the challenge with no less than 36 versions of a sexy nurse costume! These range from "ICU In My Dreams" to "Anita Shot," to the less inspired "Madam Hospital." Please sir, Madam Hospital is my mother. Call me Mademoiselle Outpatient Colonoscopy Clinic.
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Great news! The Yandy designers haven't been kicked off of their parents' Netflix accounts, and are bringing you all the horny binge-watch fashions! We've got a last-minute Squid Game entry, a sexy nurse inspired by Ratched, and more Tiger King looks than ever before. Can't wait for their Apple TV+ line so I can dress as Sexy Mark Duplass from The Morning Show!
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Do you remember the 1990s? Yandy does, and they're here to remind you of all the ubiquitous pop culture of that begotten era. Sexy Austin Powers? Shagadelic, baby! Julia Roberts's Pretty Woman sex worker ensemble? Crank that Roxette soundtrack! And BRR it's cold in here, there must be some Clovers in the atmosphere! It's also cold in here because you're wearing a few strips of latex in a bomb cyclone.
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It's 2021: gender is an illusion, masculinity is a construct, and the fellas have just as much a right to freeze their buns off on a chilly October night as the ladies do. Gender equality achievement unlocked! This year we've got sexy Buzz Lightyear, but I'm looking forward to next year's inevitable Sexy Buzz Lightyear Prequel costume. We also have sexy Harlan Quinn, and Sexy Cowboy. Is that a snake in your boot or are you just happy to see me? JK, these outfits have never known happiness.
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When the movie Black Swan came out, nearly every girl I knew spent hours creating a spooky, feathered ballerina ensemble. I am not crafty in the least, but I still wanted in on the Black Swan fun, so I wrapped myself in a blanket and told everyone I was Natalie Portman from that scene where she's masturbating in bed. It was PEAK lazy Halloween excellence and horny on a budget. For my fellow lazy ghouls, there's nothing simpler than splashing something on a poncho and just going with it. Because nothing says sexy like "throw this tarp on my body and leave me be."
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God bless the genius who convinced Yandy to make these sexy Romy and Michele's High School Reunion outfits. Honestly no notes, these are flawless. Great work, everyone.
(images: Yandy)
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