Fox News’ “Outnumbered” discussed a Glamour post, titled “13 Little Things That Can Make a Man Fall Hard For You,” published about a week ago. The magazine took some hits for the list-icle, which gave tips like “stocking the fridge with his favorite drinks” and handing him “a cold one as he steps out of the shower,” making him a snack after sex,” and letting him solve “your petty work problem” since men “like to fix things.” Hoo boy, while these article aren’t rare in the Glamour and Cosmo genre, it’s still pretty bad. Lots of Internet people pointed that the whole thing came across ridiculously outdated and way too “women submit yourselves to men” for 2015.
They have since removed the article an issued a statement:
We understand that the list read like a 1950s marriage handbook–and nobody wants to go back there. That being said, we’ll always be here to help you decode dating. So let’s be clear: you’re welcome to make a grilled cheese for anyone you love, but you shouldn’t be whipping one up in an effort to lock the all-important “him” down. (That’s just a waste of Gruyere.) What we want for you is love based on equality, not indentured servitude with date night. We’re sorry for slipping, please, please ignore that beer-right-out-of-the-shower thing. It feels like it could get dangerous fast.
Co-host Andrea Tantaros, who described herself as “a very traditional, old-fashioned girl” disagreed with the criticism, and said, “after you engage in some horizontal hula” you should “make him a sandwich. That’s called kindness!” She went on to say “I think women should do more of that, what’s wrong with giving your man a brewski when he comes out of the shower? That’s sweet!”
I think Glamour‘s response lays it down pretty well where the whole “make a sandwich” thing went wrong. You can do nice things for your loved ones, of course, but using these gestures should be something you do because you want to, not because it’s something you feel obligated to do as a woman.
Ryan Reiss picked up on the ’50s-esque tone of the whole thing and remarked “Who needs a beer right out of the shower? Who are you dating, Don Draper?”
To make it clear, if a woman, like Tantaros, chooses to do all these things for her partner, that’s not something to shame her for. However, enforcing these outdated gender roles as obligatory and policing women who don’t abide by them is pretty shitty. Host Stacey Dash commented “That’s why divorce rates are so high, women don’t know how to take care of their men anymore.” One host joked that women neglecting to do these type of gesture are “why men are sleeping with the housekeeper.” Yeah, actually.
While critiquing Glamour and Fox News seems like a bit of a low-hanging fruit, but they are indicative of a larger issue in terms of relationship expectations that media often promotes. There are lots of stories about young girls doing things they don’t want to do because they feel like they “owe” their boyfriends something or because they’re afraid of getting dumped. Articles like Glamour‘s and comments like these imply that if you’re not a lingerie wearing, sandwich-making, beer server (as opposed to, you know, a decent person), you’re somehow less lovable. It also makes men out to be these weird cavemen handymen who just want sex and food all the time.
Like Glamour said, “nobody wants to go back there.”
(via Salon)
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