Dear lord, I can barely keep up with all the ridiculous things Donald Trump does, but this one may take the cake. In a press conference before Trump headed to Austin, Texas, he carried notes on what to say and they look like something the Zodiac Killer would have definitely sent to the newspaper. Written in a sharpie with the handwriting of a child, the president gave himself some key points, like telling everyone “I want nothing” twice (written out twice, instead of just … memorizing that or writing “I want nothing x2”) and then saying that this weird speech was “the final word.”
Sure, this kind of nonsense phrasing has become common under the Trump administration, but what’s even more baffling about this situation is that the president literally wrote this out on a notepad, and it’s the size of Regina George’s handwriting in the Burn Book from Mean Girls.
To make us all feel better about the pure insanity of this situation, everyone started to mock the letter on Twitter:
Trump aide: Tell them you want nothing.
Trump: I want something?
Aide: No, you want nothing. Tell them you want nothing.
Trump: Wait, what should I say?
Aide: Say, “I want nothing.”
Trump: I want … what again?
Aide: Never mind, I’ll write it down for you … Sir. pic.twitter.com/hfOjQuWKEY
— Kaili Joy Gray (@KailiJoy) November 20, 2019
I want nothing.
I want nothing.
I want no quid pro quo.
Tell Zellinsky to do the right thing. pic.twitter.com/jq6imAFjDh— southpaw (@nycsouthpaw) November 20, 2019
🎵I want nothing
I want nothing
I want no quid pro quo
I gotta go pic.twitter.com/2stOJU0WTV— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) November 20, 2019
I WANT NOTHING except death to the patriarchy, a pack of trained attack wolves, three baby owls, and pockets in every dress.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) November 20, 2019
can’t believe he started his set with “i want nothing” back to back https://t.co/aV9QQca9gs
— Rembert Browne (@rembert) November 20, 2019
I want nothing! pic.twitter.com/CRH2A0lL5w
— 🍁Imani Gandied Yams🍁 (@AngryBlackLady) November 20, 2019
Some crazy man is standing on a corner in DC screaming “I want nothing I want nothing I want nothing I want nothing” over and over.
Really a poster child for improving mental health funding in this country.
— emptywheel (@emptywheel) November 20, 2019
I WANT NOTHING
I WANT NOTHING
I WANT NO QUID PRO QUO
ok you have to admit, it’s not a bad beginning for a mumble rap song— Sara Schaefer (@saraschaefer1) November 20, 2019
In the movie version, Trump is escorted from the courtroom in handcuffs, muttering I WANT NOTHING I WANT NOTHING as camera fades. https://t.co/e7G0TScxHx
— Elizabeth Spiers (@espiers) November 20, 2019
boys and girls, i believe we are in the home stretch. #IWantNothing pic.twitter.com/GGpsNgTEYu
— sage (@spicygoddess13) November 20, 2019
Same energy pic.twitter.com/PPVPHitAug
— rachel leishman (@RachelLeishman) November 20, 2019
One for the history books. (📷 Mark Wilson/Getty Images) pic.twitter.com/unhsYwznA8
— southpaw (@nycsouthpaw) November 20, 2019
fully exonerated pic.twitter.com/Dflow4S7b7
— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) November 20, 2019
I WANT YOU TO WANT ME.
I NEED YOU TO NEED ME.
I QUID YOU TO QUO ME.
I’M BEGGING ZELENSKY TO BEG ME. https://t.co/A4En54S2wB— Dan Van Winkle (@Dan_Van_Winkle) November 20, 2019
Look, does this confirm that Donald Trump is a serial killer? No, but it sure does make me think that he has written at least 3 ransom notes in his time. Also, does he just have an endless supply of these sharpies on him? Because it seems as if he always has the kind of sharpies that you used for presentations in school and hated in every other instance because they were too big. But then again, who writes in permanent marker to make notes? Psychopaths, that’s who.
Mock this all you want, but I can’t wait to have kids someday and have this note come up in their history books so I can go, “Ah yes, I remember this day. This was when we all realized just how incompetent the president was.”
The President is going to go through some things this morning.
— David Cicilline (@davidcicilline) November 20, 2019
(image: Mark Wilson/Getty Images)
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