Mars Bar Inc. Studying the Life Saving Benefits of “Chocolate Pills”
Suck it baby, this is for my health!
The National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute and Mars Inc. (maker of M&Ms and Snickers bars) are collaborating on a study to determine if daily “chocolate pills” will reduce the risk of heart attack or stroke. Obviously the candy peddlers have a vested interest in the outcome, so I should probably conduct my own research, right? Just to be sure.
The flavanol found in chocolate is thought to improve blood pressure, cholesterol, artery health and most dessert breads. Although cocoa’s supposed healthy properties have been researched before, The Institute’s study will be the most comprehensive test of its benefits yet, requiring 18,000
men and women nationwide to pop two pills a day for four years. Explains head of the study and likely oompa-loompa Dr. JoAnn Manson, “You’re not going to get these protective flavanols in most of the candy on the market. Cocoa flavanols are often destroyed by the processing.”
Mars Inc. has patented a way of extracting flavanols from chocolate and putting them into highly concentrated fat and sugar free capsules. Half of the study’s participants will be taking these pills while the other half will be prescribed vitamins or placebos.
Participants for the study will be culled from preexisting research to save the Heart and Lung Institute money, although AP reports that “additional people with a strong interest in the research may be allowed to enroll,” so if you want to selflessly volunteer, the candy man can! Use your body for science, that is.
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