I’ve only just gotten a Twitter for work purposes (and no, you can’t find me, you sneaky li’l baby). The timing is terrible, to be sure, and I’m not sure how I feel about keeping my account for much longer, with everything considered.
BUT. But. People can be pretty funny on Twitter, I’ve discovered. And some of the funniest people of late are the ones who participate in dailyportalz’ “Mundane Halloween” contest:
Overall, I have a lot of weird feelings about how the West tends to fetishize and over-glamorize every little aspect about Japanese culture, but I’ll be damned if the Japanese don’t know how to be funny on social media. Some of these selections absolutely killed me, in the most delightful way possible.
Take, for example, a horror tale as old as time: “Person who tried to cut their own bangs, failed, and now claims it’s the latest fashion.”
Ooh, girl. Thankfully they don’t have the term “Terf Bangs” overseas, or else this guy would really be getting it.
Then, there’s the “Person who wants to use up every bit of toothpaste in the tube,” which is highly relatable, but also, my good man, you really just found a way to wear your regular-ass clothes for Halloween. Genius.
I’m particularly tickled by “Person who got confused about how to combine different sauces when eating gyōza, and now no longer even cares,” because word. They really nailed the look of frustration and defeat of a person with too many condiments. Like damn, what flavor of rice vinegar do I even use in this situation? Are they all that different? Am I a failure? Man, fuck it.
Perhaps he’d find his answers by pairing up with this absolute lad, simply titled “Soy sauce”:
Gotta admit, this is actually a really good idea for any Halloween situation, mundane or no. If my hypothetical future baby ends up being a chunker, they’re definitely getting the Soy Sauce treatment. Keeps ’em warm and stylish on Halloween Night.
Moving right along, though, as a former “Art Kid” who couldn’t give a toss about sports, “The champion of some sport or another” really got me (and not just because of the Sufjan Stevens vibes):
But in totality, I gotta be real: while some of the entries were pretty technically impressive, my vote for Best Mundane Halloween Costume might just have to go to my main man, “An ear of corn.”
This man is your coworker who was cajoled into participating for “company morale.” He wasn’t thrilled about it, but he’s got big “Stanley” energy, which means he’s the funniest person in the room without even having to try. He looked at the groceries he went to pick up for Saturday night dinner and decided, “Yes, I can pull this off.”
Congrats, Corn-san. You’re the winner in my eyes. HOWEVER, I highly recommend that you go ahead and check this thread out yourself, as it’s full of other hilarious and creative entries that restore my faith in human creativity. To cap it off, let’s pour one out for the homie, “Twitter engineer just fired by Elon Musk.”
(seatured image: Serious Eats)
