Love is in the air, chooms. It’s all over Cyberpunk 2077 in one form or another, if you know where to look.
Cyberpunk 2077 was possibly the greatest labor of love in video game history. Was it a labor of love from the video game studios? No. God no. What they gave us was about loving as someone spitting in your face (and not in a kinky way). Cyberpunk 2077 was a broken game when it was released. So broken that the company was sued for false advertising due to how buggy and bad the game was. Yet did gamers give up? No, they did not.
The modding community got their hands on Cyberpunk 2077, and through a series of independent debuggings and tweaks, the game eventually became somewhat playable again. While Cyberpunk 2077 was far from boyfriend material, interest in the game skyrocketed once more due to the brilliant minds at Studio Trigger, who released the 2077-inspired Cyberpunk: Edgerunners to widespread critical acclaim. Eventually, the game was restored to its originally promised glory. All because a group of people looked at Cyberpunk 2077 and said “I can fix him” and actually did it.
To celebrate the love that the gaming community gave to the rough-around-the-edges release, we’re going to rank the best romance options the game has to offer. Lord knows that these characters could use some fixing as well.
An option, I guess: Joytoys
Joytoys are “romanceable” in the euphemistic sense only. Unlike other sex workers in the game, joytoys aren’t built for character exploration, and they can be romanced by one thing and one thing only: cold, hard cash. There are two joytoys that can be found in the game, male and female, on Jig-Jig Street in Westbrook. However, neither joytoy is what you could call “emotionally available.” These joytoys are so not meant for romancing that the game didn’t even bother to give them names. They’re not here for love. Sex is strictly business for a joytoy, so please, don’t go falling for one. It’s going to end with you crying in a puddle on the floor, flat broke.
Eh: Meredith Stout
I can’t say that I saw this one coming. Meredith Stout is a stern, no-nonsense Militech agent that V can talk to during Act 1. You can choose to side with her or against her when you traipse on into the Maelstrom’s hideout to get the Flathead from Royce. Note: if you decide to go against her, she’s obviously not gonna be keen on romancing you later on.
However, if you do team up with her, you get to have a little tryst! It’s certainly not a full-blown romance, there’s hardly anything “romantic” about it. Meredith calls V after the mission, and if V plays their cards right, Meredith and V will arrange to meet at the No-Tell Motel. If your idea of love is a sweaty motel room hook-up and getting ghosted, then Meredith is your girl. Should you be into that sort of thing, you’ll be happy to know that Meredith can be “romanced” by both male and female V. For better or for worse.
He’s cute??: Kenny Eurodyne
If you’ve got a Dollar Store David Bowie fetish, then Kenny Eurodyne is for you. Kenny is a friend of Johnny (you know, the dead rockstar living in your head) and is a former guitar player in Johnny’s band Samurai. He’s available to romance during a side mission where you get to help Johnny play one last gig with his old band.
While Kenny is cute and quirky, his rocker boy charms pale in comparison to some of the other characters on this list. However, if you want to turn your male V’s Cyberpunk life into the plot of a gay slash fic, then you couldn’t pick a better choice. However, it is a little weird when you think about it. After all, you’re hooking up with Johnny’s best friend, and since Johnny lives in your head it’s almost as if you’re making Johnny ALSO hook up with his best friend. At best it’s a cool future-threesome. At worst it makes for confusing platonic/romantic boundaries.
Sweet, uninteresting baby: River Ward
If your female V is looking for a sweet and sensitive man, you can’t go wrong picking Cyberpunk‘s resident cinnamon roll River. I mean just look at that manic pixie dream boy earring he wears! To die for.
The NCPD detective isn’t involved in any of the game’s main missions, but instead meet-cutes into your life during the side quest with the Peralez couple. After that, his own quest line will begin, and that quest line will lead straight into his heart.
The only issue is that while River is really sweet—and that’s kind of all he is. He’s not exactly the most dimensional of all of V’s potential love interests. And story wise it’s difficult to justify why the mercenary-minded V would fall for a guy who is often so idealistic and naive. But maybe that’s just part of the charm? Headcannon it any way you want.
Best Girl for the girlies: Judy Alvarez
If you want to turn Cyberpunk 2077 into the ultimate sapphic love story, then Judy Alvarez is your Best Girl. Her candy-colored hair and body full of tattoos make her totally crushable even before you get to know her. Once she opens her mouth, it’s all over. V meets the braindance specialist during Act 1, and often turns to her expertise to complete major story beats.
Judy’s involvement in the main plot of the game makes her romance with V feel the most natural. Two women brought together by circumstance who find that they can fulfill each other in more ways than one. It’s what the best romances are made of!
Best Girl for the boys: Panam Palmer
Panam has it all. She’s got the sweet, cinnamon roll energy of River. However, her nomadic backstory makes her something that River is not: interesting. Unlike every other character on this list, Panam is not a native to Night City, and her road-ramblin’ qualities give her all the mystique that one craves in a digital romance.
Panam also features one of the most intricate questlines in all of Cyperpunk 2077, which results in V becoming a member of the Aldecaldos. Romancing Panam doesn’t only give you a god-tier waifu, it gives you a community. The Aldecaldos become sort of a surrogate family for V, giving the character a sense of community and belonging that is impossible to find in the lonely neon jungle that is Night City. For male Vs, Panam is the only worthwhile option.
(Featured Image: CD Projekt)
