‘Ello guv’nor! Fancy a film?
So you want to experience the best that the jolly old island across the pond has to offer eh? Why wouldn’t you? After all, it’s the home of cozy murder mysteries, beans as a food group, and bicon Alan Cumming. It’s also the home of an icky royal family, an even ickier immigration policy, and the ickiest of TERFs in media—a pretty mixed bag, right?
Right now, we’re gonna focus on everything we LOVE about Britain, and one of the things that we LOVE most is its films! So cheers to the nation’s cinematic achievements, and here are the best British films of all time, ranked
10. A Clockwork Orange
I’m not smart enough to say anything intelligent about A Clockwork Orange. This Stanley Kubrick masterpiece is above me. It’s above all of us. It is so laden with big concepts like symbolism and themes that have been picked apart by the world’s greatest film critics and academics, so anything I try to even say will just sound trite in comparison. But I WILL say that I thought it was pretty awesome that a character got killed after getting hit with a statue of a dick! That is something that my pea-sized brain can understand! This movie is a must-watch for every human being on Earth. It’s simply one of those important films, and smarter-funnier-better-looking people will gag at you at parties if you tell them that you haven’t laid eyes on it.
9. Monty Python And The Holy Grail
Do NOT quote Monty Python and the Holy Grail around groups of middle-aged men. They will NOT stop quoting it for the rest of the conversation and your night will be ruined. This film’s biggest selling point (and biggest curse) is that it is perhaps the single most quotable film OF ALL TIME. This film is the Monty Python group’s magnum opus. By far their most popular and silliest film. No clever send-ups on religion or society, just medieval people swinging cats around.
8. Trainspotting
To clarify, Trainspotting is about Scottish people, not English people. There’s a difference. A difference that literal WARS were fought over. But Scotland (to many Scottish people’s chagrin) is technically part of Great Britain, so it counts. This film is about a bunch of down-on-their-luck heroin addicts trying to score cash so they can do … more heroin. If there was ever a PSA on reasons not to shoot up, this film is it.
7. Hot Fuzz
Hot Fuzz stars Simon Pegg as a can-do London cop who is transferred to an idyllic small town because his work ethic makes the other cops on London’s force look bad. But this peaceful little down hides the same secret that all British small towns do—murder. He partners up with a dimwitted bobby played by Nick Frost to solve a bizarre series of murders that are plaguing the little village, and the pair uncover a deadly conspiracy.
6. 28 Days Later
28 Days Later redefined the zombie movie genre with its introduction of the “runner zombie”. After a misguided environmental activist releases a chimpanzee infected with the deadly “rage virus”, a zombie infection spreads through the land. A coma patient played by Cillian Murphy wakes up in his hospital bed to find London deserted of human life, and filled to the brim with zombies. He is forced to team up with other survivors in order to escape the clutches of the infected, and the grubby mitts of some unsavory human beings still left alive.
5. Snatch
Snatch is the Guy Ritchie movie to end all Guy Ritchie movies. This film spawned an entire genre of slick British crime dramedies and an entire genre of men who substitute their love of these films for a personality. The story revolves around multiple characters from London’s criminal underbelly, who cross paths after Franky Four Fingers makes off with a priceless diamond in a heist. Meanwhile, a pair of two-bit hoods named Tommy and Turkish get into trouble with a ruthless gangster named Brick Top. Brad Pitt stars as a dimwitted Irish traveler who can knock any man out in one punch. This film is as off the rails as it sounds.
4. Atonement
Uh oh, we’ve got a downer on our hands. Take comfort in the fact that Atonement cinematic masterpiece at least. Taking place around the time of World War II, this film revolves around an aristocratic young girl named Briony Tallis, who catches her older sister Cecilia in flagrante delicto with the housekeeper’s son Robbie. Briony—who has the hots for Robbie—feels jealous of her sister and falsely accuses Robbie of rape in an act of misguided retaliation. Naturally, Robbie and Cecilia’s lives are ruined, and then get ruined even more once the war breaks out. Adapted from a book of the same name, this film chronicles the trio’s tragic lives, and Briony’s attempts to atone for his past mistakes.
3. Brazil
Director Terry Gilliam is more widely known for his goofy work as a member of Monty Python, but in his solo work, he has made a slew of lofty, challenging, and critically lauded films. Brazil is arguably his finest. Set in a dystopian urban hellscape run by a totalitarian bureaucracy, a low-level bureaucrat named Sam Lowry dreams of a more fantastical life. After he makes a clerical error calling for the execution of an innocent man named Buttle instead of the revolutionary freedom fighter Henry Tuttle, he resolves to fix his mistake. There are many different cuts of Brazil, but the director’s cut is both the darkest and the best. You will not see the ending coming … and when you do, it’s already too late.
2. This Is England
See, this is one of those titles that’s somewhat of a double entendre. This is England is an unflinching look at the racism and xenophobia that still plagues the nation to this day, the film centers around a troubled young boy named Shaun whose father was killed in the Falklands War. Seeking a place to belong, Shaun is taken in by a group of skinheads. While the skinhead subculture began as one that was apolitical and working class, the movement was quickly infiltrated by racists who falsely believed that non-whites and foreigners were responsible for society’s problems. One of these racist types is the high-ranking skinhead Combo, who was recently released from prison. Combo functions as a father figure to the vulnerable young Shaun, but his bigoted and hateful views soon begin to corrupt the boy, leading him down a path of violence.
1. V For Vendetta
V for Vendetta kicks ass six ways to Sunday and every other day of the week. Set in a dystopian nightmare future, England has become a totalitarian abomination of church and state. Lucky for us, Elrond, I mean, Hugo Weaving, is around to change that. Weaving plays the knife-tossing, bomb-blowing, bad guy busting revolutionary known as “V.” His identity is unknown, as he spends the entire film behind a Guy Fawkes mask … the dude who tried to blow up the British Government. The movie truly shines in its queer representation. We have two gay characters, who are handled with dignity and grace. Written by the indomitable Wachowski siblings, this high-flying and action-packed romp offers a frankly uncalled for amount of heart.
(featured image: EMI Films)
