Now You Can Suck on Beer With These Flavored Lollipops
Hmm, I'm tasting notes of fructose in this brew.
Once you hit a certain age, lollipops feel like the sort of treat you’re not allowed to have anymore—especially because, as I have learned, licking foods in public will often cause creeps to shout things at you. Well, those people can (metaphorically) suck it. Beer-flavored lollipops exist now and nothing will keep me from enjoying them.
“People have been asking us to make beer lollipops for years,” Lollyphile owner Jason Darling said in a recent press release. “Every time we tried one out, though, it felt too generic. So we decided to specialize.”
And specialize they did. Rather than create one boring flavor that tastes not entirely unlike beer, the experimental lollipop company has instead announced the arrival of three separate ones: lager, stout, and IPA. Darling explains further:
We tried our best to stay true to each of these varieties, Stout being big & dark, IPA being hoppy as hell, and Lager based on our favorite Pilsner. It was, to say the least, a very fun flavor matching experience. We came out of the whole process with a whole new appreciation for the subleties of beer. And also with the beginnings of beer bellies.
Of course, this is not the first set of alcohol-flavored lollipops that Lollyphile has created. There’s also a whole line of wine flavors (chardonney, merlot, and carbernet sauvignon), cocktails (strawberry basil mojito, strawberry-banana daquiri, White Russian, and something called a “Salty Dog”), and spirits (absinthe, amaretto, Irish cream, boubon, and habanero tequila). Other non-alcoholic but equally weird flavors include blue cheese, “breast milk,” Siracha, bacon, Siracha-bacon (there is a distinct difference), wasabi-ginger, and green tea. Heck, they even have a flavor inspired by the Pan Galactic Gargle Blasterof Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy fame.
So what’s next for Lollyphile? Not something as boring as chocolate or vanilla, we can tell you that right now. “I guess I should do something with Gin at some point,” Darling mused. “Spoiler alert, I guess?”
If there’s one downside I can see to the beer flavored lollipops, it’s that they will definitely not get you drunk. That’s a darn shame. I would suggest drinking a beer at the same time that you eat a beer-flavored lollipop, but we have no way of knowing what combining those two forces would do to the time-space continuum, so it’s probably best to try them one at a time until the proper research has been done.
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