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Are Jeans With Knee Windows What Pass for Fashion in Trump’s America?

Forget the "Boob Window." We know what's really sexy.

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There are some things I will never truly understand. People who think climate change is a “hoax,” why anyone voted for Trump to be our President, and capri-length jeans with clear plastic knee panels.

Dubbed “Clear Knee Mom Jeans” by their seller, Nordstrom/Topshop, this fashion piece is described thusly: “Slick plastic panels bare your knees for a futuristic feel in tapered and cropped high-waist jeans.”

It’s good to know that Mom Jeans will still exist in the future, I guess? Also, hopefully we would’ve found a replacement for plastic by then. Also, what the heck is even happening here? Has ripping one’s jeans at the knees stopped being good enough? Here are some more images:

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I don’t understand what the purpose is for those panels. I mean, maybe it’s for people who want ripped jeans, but also get cold really easily? What’s really confounding is this photo from the product page:

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So, are there…patches that you can use to cover your knee windows? The product description doesn’t mention these at all, so I’m wondering if this photo is just a mistake, or an image of a different version of these pants. I’m also left thinking, You asked for the knee windows! Don’t try and cover your shame NOW!

One thing that does make me happy is that these are high-waisted “Mom Jeans.” Historically thought of as “uncool,” Mom Jeans are just plain comfy. I’m not a mom, but give me a high waist and a roomy hip area any day of the week. I’d even one-up it and go full-on elastic waistband. But … knee windows?

And yet, there are plenty of people in the review section that not only love these pants, but think the knee panels have practical applications:

“I’ve always wanted these jeans oh my goodness! Going to the strip club with these was really beneficial, everyone loves the flash of a knee (; Thank you Topshop, I can now have windows for my knees!” – Chloe101

Wow. Topshop made dreams come true. And who am I to crap all over someone’s dreams?

“These are great for when bathing your little angels and they get a little splashy.” – Mommyoftwo85

But…do only your knees get splashed on? Doesn’t water get on the rest of you?

“Finally my knees have been begging for a futuristic feel for years and I kept telling them they are way ahead of the times now they will be very happy that I can give them this wonderful gift…” – Peacenpaws

I just … I …

“Based on these terrific reviews, I am coveting these stylish jeans and will order them ASAP. Between the high waist, the capri length and the knee windows, these are a trifecta of style.

Paired with my new toe-window slides, these will be a hit for Spring. Thank you Topshop. You just GET me.” – rococo2000

You know, as I’ve sat here staring at these photos figuring out what I want to say about them, a strange thing has happened. These jeans suddenly don’t … look … that … bad. I think these jeans are starting to work their magic on me. But they look so ridiculous. But it’s like, I don’t even care. Sadly, they’re only available up to a US size 14, which leaves me out of the running. Actually, I’m not sure how sad I am about that.

What do you think? Stylish? Meh. Indicative of the topsy-turvyness of the world as it exists right now? Tell us in the comments below.

(via Laughing Squid, images via Nordstrom/Topshop)

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