Utah Woman ‘Collected’ Widows and Ran Errands for Them. Her Son Didn’t Understand Until Later: ‘They Were Doing More of a Service to Me’

It takes a village to raise a child. For author Eli McCann (@eliwmccann), who grew up in the late ’80s, he didn’t understand why his mother took on what looked to be an additional burden by befriending, caring, and running errands for widows in their neighborhood in Utah. Now as a grown man, McCann told TikTok that he could only hope to follow in his mother’s footsteps.

His mother, Kathy, was nicknamed ‘the Widow Whisperer’ by the community. She often befriended the elderly and lonely women in the neighborhood.

McCann said that every Sunday, he would see one to seven widows sit down with them for dinner. His mother made sure that the elderly women were never alone during Sunday evenings.

The widows would also join in for Christmas, and they would bring McCann and his sister gifts. He recalled that one of the widows had even put in the effort to sew beads and trinkets around socks, which she gifted to the siblings. The siblings affectionately called them “jingle socks” because they made a rattling sound. Although they never wore them, their drawers were completely stuffed with jingle socks.

What it means to be part of a community

“My mom would also take them for errands during the week, like, if they needed to go to a doctor’s appointment or needed to go grocery shopping, my mom would take time out of her day to make sure to go and do that,” McCann said. Since he was just a child back then, McCann used to go along with his mother to run these errands. Interestingly enough, he picked up a few skills from these shopping trips.

“I learned how to negotiate using expired coupons at KMart. I learned how to use the blood pressure kiosk at ShopCo very well,” he recalled.

McCann had also gotten to know the widows, their lives, and their stories. He also got to know about their children and grandchildren through their gossiping.

“I learned a lot about life from these older women,” he said. They were fixtures in his life. But he was still just a child, and the things his mother used to do for these women appeared cumbersome to him.

The widows were her friends

One day, as he was coming home from school, McCann was told by Kathy that one of the widows had died earlier in the morning. He was already a teen at this point, and he still didn’t know why his mother kept doing so much for the women. What he said after his mother’s announcement is an “eternal shame” for McCann.

“Well, that’s sad. But at least you won’t have to take her on those errands anymore,” he told her. Kathy looked at him in grave disappointment.

“Eli, if her children knew what a joy it was to spend time with their mother, they would’ve never given me the opportunity to do any of it,” she replied. It would only sink in later that Kathy wasn’t just being charitable for no reason. She genuinely loved the company of these widows she befriended. McCann gained a newfound sense of respect for his mother.

He later praised her for her charity, but Kathy didn’t think much of her deeds.

“Honestly, I wasn’t doing a service. They were doing more of a service to me. These women taught me how to be a mother,” Kathy said. The relationship she formed with the widows was reciprocal for Kathy. She learned how to bake, sew, and so much more from the women.

“I remember one day you were throwing a huge tantrum, and I was at my wits’ end, and one of the women looked at you with love in her eyes,” Kathy recalled the scene. The woman told her that her son died when he choked on a nickel during the Great Depression, and Cathy’s infant reminded her of him.

“These women taught me to be grateful for the life I had,” Kathy told him.

Everyone wants to be part of a community

Just two years ago, Kathy lost another elderly friend. She had long been battling Alzheimer’s, but Kathy tirelessly brought her lilac flowers year after year. This friend loved the flowers because they reminded her of her mother—but near the end of her battle, she had forgotten why she loved them in the first place. Kathy brought the flowers to her anyway.

McCann realized how much grief went into his mother’s friendships with these older women. She knew that they were not long for the world but would invest time and effort in them just as she would in any other close relationship.

“The only thing I’ve learned for certain is that if I ever find myself widowed, alone, lonely, and in need of help, I am going to be hoping that there is a Kathy McCann who notices me. And should I find him or her, I will sew their children jingle socks until my fingers bleed,” he concluded. Everyone wants to be part of a caring community, but it takes significant effort to be a villager. Kathy just plays her role perfectly, and her son couldn’t be prouder of his mother.

(featured images: Yaroslav Shuraev, Eli McCann, Anastasia Ilina-Makarova)

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