10 Movie Men With Golden Retriever Energy

What’s the second-best thing after an actual Golden Retriever? A man with Golden Retriever energy. While a man will never be as truly pure-hearted as man’s best friend, they can come pretty close. If you’re looking for soulful-eyed sweethearts who couldn’t manipulate their way out of a wet paper bag, you’ve come to the right list. When it comes to happy-go-lucky vibes, dogged devotion, and total loyalty, these fellas have it covered. Here are 10 movie men with Golden Retriever energy, for when you need help believing that unconditional love is real.

Ken

The Venn Diagram between Himbo and Golden Retriever Boyfriend is actually just a circle, and Barbie‘s Ken is smack dab in the middle. A man whose full-time job is “beach,” Ken is just as qualified to handle responsibility as an actual Golden Retriever — which is to say, not at all. Until his run-in with real-world patriarchy, Ken is as devoted to Barbie as a dog is to bones. When Ken, hopped up on a whiff of real-world male privilege, decides to take that “alpha male” energy back to Barbieland, he’s about as threatening as an actual Golden Retriever wearing tough-guy sunglasses. It’s adorably pathetic, and his bad-boy attitude is equally toothless. Time to get back to the beach, Ken. There’s a frisbee there I’m sure you’ll love.

George of the Jungle

The titular wildman of George of the Jungle, this vine-swinging himbo is essentially just a feral Golden Retriever. After being adopted by his wilderness-exploring crush Ursula, the unhousetrained George is taken back to San Fransico to recuperate from an injury. An injury he got from defending his gorilla family from invaders, which is a very Golden Retriever-coded thing to do. After all, real-life Golden Retrievers can befriend just about any animal, whether they be deer, primates, or even big cats. In the big city, George’s well-meaning wild animal antics reach their apex. He romps around in newly purchased menswear. He eats raw coffee grounds and sprints about the city like a caffeine demon. He vine-swings on the Bay Bridge. If Golden Retrievers had opposable thumbs, you know they’d be doing the same thing.

Spider-Man

As far as the various Spider-Men are concerned, Tom Holland’s interpretation of the character is the most Golden Retriever-ish. Unlike Andrew Garfield’s brooding web-slinger or Tobey Maguire’s emotionally tortured wall-crawler, Holland’s Peter Parker is a wise-cracking goofball who is totally devoted to two things: doing good and Mary. While all it took for Maguire’s Spider-Man to become a sidewalk-dancing jerk was a little run-in with an alien parasite, Holland’s version of the character could never be so easily corrupted. He loves his job. He’s happy to help out anyone and everyone. He wears his heart on his spandex sleeve. And did you see him fan-boying out when he met The Avengers? He’s a total puppy dog.

Waymond Wang

Waymond Wang is one of the most heartbreaking examples of a Golden Retriever Man. He’s loyal to those he loves even when they’ve given up on him. At the beginning of Everything, Everywhere, All at Once, Waymond is the only source of happy-go-luckiness in the burned-out wreck of his wife Evelyn’s life. And she’s sadly too emotionally exhausted to even appreciate him for it. Does that stop Waymond from being a devoted husband and/or confidant in literally every parallel universe? No, it does not. While repressed emotions cause this film’s characters to give in to their inner darkness, Waymond Wang, like the heart of any Golden Retriever, is completely uncorruptible. He finally wins back Evelyn’s love at the end of the movie, but his love was always unconditional.

Ashitaka

Ashitaka might not seem like a typical Golden Retriever Man on the surface, but beneath his stoic exterior beats the noble heart of man’s best friend. As it turns out, the hero of Princess Mononoke is also wolves’ best friend. He’s the only human in the story to win the respect of the animal gods who walk the ancient forests. Like a Golden Retriever, he can befriend just about anyone, even when those someones are on opposite sides of a humans-versus-nature war. And while he’s devoted to promoting peace and justice in the world, his deepest loyalty lies with San, the titular forest princess. And despite being about as trusting as a feral animal, San eventually comes to rely on, and even love, Ashitaka. Also, remember that scene where San chews an injured Ashitaka’s food for him, and he’s moved to tears? Like a real dog, only a true Golden Retriever man would weep with joy being fed half-gnawed leftovers.

Hiccup

While Hiccup initially lacks the unflappable confidence of a full-fledged Golden Retriever Man, he unlocks that affable self-assurance in the sequels to How to Train Your Dragon. But let’s backtrack for a second. Only someone with the purest of Golden Retriever Man hearts could befriend the wildest of all wild animals: a firebreathing dragon. After earning Toothless’s trust, Hiccup spreads his Golden Retriever gospel of human/dragon tolerance to both his own people and to dragonkind. Like a Golden Retriever, Hiccup is the ultimate peacemaker, resolving conflict through setting a kind, selfless, and empathetic example. Toothless is also a bit of a Golden Retriever, but he’s not a man, so he sadly doesn’t qualify.

Buddy the Elf

If Golden Retrievers could talk, I’m sure that they would answer a ringing phone with “Buddy the Dog, what’s your favorite color?” Sadly, Golden Retrievers weren’t gifted with speech, but Buddy the Elf was, and he uses that gift to spread holiday cheer. No matter where in the world Elf‘s happy-go-lucky protagonist goes, you can be sure he’s happy to be there. When you live on a diet of candy and your full-time job is howling out Christmas carols, it’s easy to be joyful. Given the opportunity, I’m sure that dogs would celebrate the holidays in the same way. After all, every Golden Retriever understands the true meaning of Christmas: that giving is its own reward. They might not have thumbs to wrap presents with, but they sure know how to dole out joy. Buddy the Elf, like a Golden Retriever, spreads positivity with the Christmas present of his presence. It’s a gift that keeps on giving.

Kronk

Kronk could teach a valuable lesson to all Golden Retriever Men: be careful who you pledge your undying loyalty to. The resident himbo of The Emperor’s New Groove, Kronk serves the evil sorceress Yzma with dog-like devotion. Against his better judgment? No, because like an actual Golden Retriever, complex moral discourse isn’t really his strong suit. Besides deciding on the perfect recipe for spinach puffs, he’s not really capable of judging anything. And sure, Kronk tried to murder a guy, but what Golden Retriever wouldn’t commit homicide to protect his master? With a little bit of guidance, Kronk eventually saw the error of his ways. There are no bad dogs, only bad owners. Perhaps the same is true of Golden Retriever Men? For ones with a conspicuous lack of brain cells like Kronk, at least.

Samwise Gamgee

Aragorn is a German Shepard. Legolas is an Afghan Hound. Gimli is a Bulldog. Merry and Pippin are Border Collies. Gollum is a Chihuahua that got left out in the rain for too long. Frodo is a Husky puppy, if only for his piercing, blue-eyed gaze. And Sam? 100% a Golden Retriever. Name me a character that is more steadfast, more loyal, more kindhearted, more soulfully devoted to goodness, justice, and peace. I’ll wait. While he lacks the goofy disposition of the majority of Golden Retriever men, he makes up for this surface-level quality with the important traits that actually define the breed. He protects Frodo without ever trying to control him, cares for Frodo without ever trying to change him, and goes to the ends of Middle-earth for Frodo without expecting anything in return. At the end of The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Sam isn’t crowned a king or hailed as a hero. Instead, he simply goes back to The Shire, the same kind, brave, honest man that he was when he left it. Like a Golden Retriever, he’s a homebody at heart.

Olaf

Snowmen can be Golden Retriever Men too. Frozen‘s Olaf proves this theory to be fact. Unlike most Golden Retriever Men, Olaf is not a romantic lead. He’s a sidekick, a weird little guy along for the ride. But isn’t every dog? Olaf has all the Golden Retriever qualities. He’s an instant friend to everyone. He’s a bouncing bundle of joy. He’s deeply devoted to Else and Anna. He’s an uncompromising optimist. And the cherry on top? He’s not very bright. It’s really a shame the snowmen are easier for humans to create than snow dogs, because there was a missed opportunity here to make Olaf a Snowden Retriever. As for turning him into a romantic lead, maybe the writers of Frozen 3 have a plan for that.

(featured image: Buena Vista Pictures)

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