MAGA Republicans want to rename Greenland and I wish I could make this up
On today's episode of "There's no way this is real," a Georgia congressman introduced a new bill to rename Greenland.
As the U.S. political landscape continues to dip into full-on South Park territory, conservative legislators are now looking to rename Greenland — an autonomous territory that doesn’t even belong to them, BTW.
A little geography lesson, if I may; Greenland is an island territory within the Kingdom of Denmark, not the good ol’ U.S. of A. Yet, President Donald Trump sure seems hellbent on acquiring Greenland for America, reaffirming the notion that Trump believes he can buy anything like it’s his Amazon wish list.
Trump took to right-wing social media platform Truth Social last month to announce his “plans” to purchase Greenland from Denmark, writing: “For purposes of National Security and Freedom throughout the World, the United States of America feels that the ownership and control of Greenland is an absolute necessity.” Understandably, Greenland’s Prime Minister, Múte B. Egede, pushed back against Trump’s bid for the island territory, telling reporters: “We don’t want to be Americans. We want to be Greenlanders.”
Now, to make matters even worse, Georgia representative Buddy Carter has proposed a new bill that, if the U.S. really does manage to acquire Greenland, would see the territory undergoing an absolutely ridiculous name change.
MAGA Republicans continue to embarrass Americans, push to rename Greenland “Red, White, and Blueland”
Earlier this week, Carter introduced the H.R.1161 bill, a.k.a. the “Red, White, and Blueland Act of 2025,” which would “authorize the President to enter into negotiations to acquire Greenland and to rename Greenland as “Red, White, and Blueland,” per Congress.gov. This isn’t satire — a real, elected U.S. official wants to buy Greenland and call it Red, White, and Blueland. Again, I can’t make this up.
“America is back and will soon be bigger than ever with the addition of Red, White, and Blueland,” Carter added in a statement Tuesday. “President Trump has correctly identified the purchase of what is now Greenland as a national security priority, and we will proudly welcome its people to join the freest nation to ever exist when our Negotiator-in-Chief inks this monumental deal.”
Get the hint, America; Greenland’s just not that into you
So, what would an American buyout of Greenland look like? Well, under Trump’s leadership, he’d probably develop the land by building unprofitable casinos, hotels, and luxury golf courses, all while erasing Greenland’s rich history. There’s also Greenland’s abundant natural resources (a.k.a. oil and rare minerals), which would likely see Trump destroying acres of untouched scenery for the sake of profits.
Clearly, Greenland doesn’t want to become America’s 51st state. The U.S.’s obsession with Cold War-era skepticism and missile defense shouldn’t come at the cost of desecrating an entire culture that’s already fought hard enough to become a self-governing territory. Many Greenlanders want full independence someday, so Trump and his cult of MAGA loyalists proposing a buyout of the territory is even more of an insult than they probably realize it is. Acquiring Greenland won’t make America the superpower MAGA Republicans so desperately want to be — this is neocolonialism at its most apparent.
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